My perceptions

Friends

2011-02-15T17:48:00.003+08:00

Just this week, I was having a conversation with my friends with regards to friendship. In light of randomness, my friend blurted out, "Actually, I am quite a loner." after posting some questions to another buddy. At that instance, I had a eureka moment lol. I think that friends these days are so hard to keep. It is not because we all are superficial, pragmatic, non-relational creatures - in fact I think we are the opposite - but because we live in such a fast-paced society that our friends and social circle change when we move on to different life stations. I think it is inevitable, but sad at the same time. Often or so, I have so many relationship that I wished did not drift but nurtured.

- From Pete's blog

Happy new year (again) !

2011-02-04T18:20:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year ! HUATTTTTTTT AH.

Anyway, I'm writing this post because I Thought I'd share this little thought that's been itching at the back of my head for some time now.

Have you ever looked back at a moment in your life, in your youth when you had no responsibilities, just spread your wings after school and do whatever you want. Or back to the times where you'd just lie on the sofa waiting for your mother to bring breakfast to you. Or the times when the adult asks you "what do you wanna be next time?" and you tell them something audacious like an astronaut or a billionaire (maybe) ? Well just this afternoon when I visited my younger cousin's house, I had such a thought.

I'm turning 20 this year, and my sis, mid 20-ish (not nice to reveal her age right ! lol). Time flies, it seemed like yesterday when my mother was giving me 4 bucks a day pocket money for school. And when I raise my head and look forward, I think about all the things thats going to change in the next 5 years.

I'm going to have to become financially independent.
I'm going to need a game plan (yeah, my draft for making my next million dollars ain't gonna write itself out)
I'm going to need to support my mother *like every other filial son*
I'm going to need to invest in myself - I'm my greatest asset. I need skills, a second language, a sport at the professional level, entrepreneurship skills, buisness skills, IT skills - I'VE GOT NONE LOL !
I'm going to need to think about what I wanna spend the rest of my life doing. (A Job)

God dam it's a tough world out there, and if I could, I wanna just reverse time and go back to living a life with no responsibilities, no worries, just living it day by day. But that's not going to happen. And this year, I'll be thinking about my future all year round.

Well thank god I'll have until 27Feb 2012 to come up with my rescue package. But for now, its just a long and slow wait till I .. ORD. :)

Hello 2011 , Bye bye 2010 !

2011-01-02T10:25:00.007+08:00

Happy new year folks ! Alright, I'm not really in the mood to write anything right now, so I'll get straight to the point and buzz out.

From my A-level results, to enlistment, hell week .. graduation. Looking back, this year had been 2010 was the toughest and most emotional year so far for me. 2010 gave me the greatest highs, and banished me to the lowest moments in my life.

This year, more than ever, I control the direction of my life. I'll learn to live with greater responsibilities on the weight of my shoulders, make better decisions, and be more matured.

As I launch 2010 into the archives of my memories, I open up a new chapter in my life where I hope I'd be able to :

Complete the Adidas Sundown 42km under 5hrs
Complete the Standard Chartered 42km.
Get my driver's license
Go for a leisure diving trip with my friends.
Complete my SSDC (special skills diving course) smoothly and become a clearance diver.
Get fitter, run farther, swim faster and fight harder.
Make it a point to learn a new subject in my free time
Save more and spend less money.
Keep my friendship fired up with all my buddies who're going separate ways to UDG, and JJ taekwondo. (Somehow, the word taekwondo doesn't exsist in my computer's dictionary. The replacement for it ? - Wonderbra .. wtf -_-)

2010-12-13T11:53:00.001+08:00

Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude , But tonight I'm fucking you.

Enrique Iglesias .. only he could say that.

Running

2010-12-09T19:29:00.003+08:00

Running can be so addictive (of course, except when you're running your lungs and intestines haywire in 2.4km or timed 6km runs). Just get the right pair of shoes, plug in your ipod with your philips sports earphones, let the music play and let your feet take control.

Somedays, I feel good. I feel like I could go on and on forever, I feel like my wiring's been messed up, as though the new nerve center of my body is way below, in my feet. instead of me controlling where they go, they take me wherever they want to go. The spirit of exploration and a sense of appreciation for the scenic great outdoors can really make your run an addictive experience. And the music? The music makes the whole experience the sex.

The last 2 days I've had those kinds of runs. Yesterday, I decided to go for my usual 5km run, and I ended up doing around 8km. Today, I decided to go for the same run, to relive that addictive sense of mobility and freedom, and sure enough, I ended up doing 11km !

Running, though I'm not very good at it, I've come to understand why people are so in love with this sport, (though, i really dislike running in NDU, cause every time i put on my running shoes there, i'll be running as though I'm trying to escape a zombie Apocalypse, and that's very different from the kind of run I'm talking about here LOL.)

2010-12-06T19:25:00.002+08:00

All I can do is train harder, get tougher, and try to be a better person. Then maybe, someday you'll see something in me :)

2010-12-05T14:57:00.006+08:00

Thanks to all my family and friends who came to share my special moment with me.

Its been a tough 7 months.

From my medical assessment,
to my vocational assessment,
to the interview,
to recieving my enlistment letter,
to enlistment,
field camp,
final mission,
route march,
fast march,
SIT test,
BEEP test,
diver fitness test,
IPPT ( the least of my worries lol.),
Timed runs,
Sea swims,
Sea Circuits,
scuba diving,
O2 diving,
boat PT,
Boat paddling
.. team building week

Shit, I've endured one roller coaster ride of emotions. Every day of this journey feels like it's been etched into my mind. Down the road, I can just imagine myself, digging out the 33rd Batch's Hell week photo, and I'll tell my son, "yeah, those were some unforgettable crazy times !!" And I'll tell him about each and every person in the class. We may not necessarily get along well with each other all the time. We may hate each other sometimes, we may fight among ourselves sometimes, but without realizing it, we share a very special bond. A bond that cannot be forged under normal conditions .. one that's different from any bond we'll ever have in this life again .. its a bond that's forged through rough and rugged times, through hell week, through a living hell.

But here I am today, standing at the finish line feeling satisfied. Whether all this training has made me a different person or not, I don't know, you decide.

All i know, is that now that I've earned my share of glory (like the people who've gone down the same path before me), I've got a responsibility to live up to the name of the Naval Diver. I won't let myself be any less tired every night, because that's the life here .. ITS HARDCORE !

2010-11-12T08:43:00.004+08:00

It doesn't matter how good or bad your character is, or how fucked up that your are. Because at the end of the day, if he's fitness is better than yours, he'll pass out, and you won't.

2010-10-31T18:27:00.000+08:00

Yeah you got me begging begging baby please don't go

If I wake up tomorrow will you still be here
I don't know
If you feel the way I do
If you leave I'm gonna find you
Baby please don't go go go go

2010-10-30T09:12:00.004+08:00

Warrant Ang said this yesterday, and I thought I'd share it with you :

"An average Singaporean spends

24 years studying

the next 40 years working his ass like a mad dog

and the final 20 years dying."

Life is short, lets be happy and live it with laughter and joy with our loved ones, no time to waste being angry or sad :).

Speaking about time, I'm now 4 weeks away from graduation. On the 26th November, I'll jump the tower, and I'll have my shiny badge pinned on me. The last 6 months had been a roller coaster ride of emotions and physical transformation. This journey is about to draw to a close for me, and while I'm feeling happy and accomplished, I'm also feeling a sense of sadness. From timed runs, timed swims, fast march, boat PT, hellweek, field camp, me and my batch boys stood firm and fought it together. Soon, we won't be looking forward to conquering the next badass torture, but we'll be looking back on how we once endured together. These memories, I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. I'm proud to be a 33rd Batch diver. :) !

All that aside, I'm battling a groin injury. And I've got to clear my timed run and sea circuit within the next 4 weeks in order to graduate. All I'm hoping for is a speedy recovery so that I can resume training >.< ! If not .. All that I've stood for will count for nothing ): wish me a speedy recovery :(

2010-10-24T10:02:00.002+08:00

Alright, i pulled some muscle in my groin during hell week. I may not be able to run right now, but i can certainly do .. STATIC PT :D :D :D.

2010-10-17T20:06:00.004+08:00

Time waits for no one, it comes at you whether you like it or not, so when the time comes, you'd better be ready for it, because once the moment is gone, It ain't gonna make a U - turn and come round for you twice.

I don't know how to properly bring across my thoughts in words in this post.

Completing hell week is a massive achievement. It's in fact, the biggest achievement in my life so far. Only myself, and those who fought along side me during those hopeless moments can fully appreciate the magnitude of our achievement. If you've not done it with me, then you wouldn't understand it :).

I've matured a lot since April, and with my graduation in sight, I look forward to the next few months to come. But pretty soon, there won't be anything to look forward to, only good times to look back on. It is a bittersweet emotion, and a part of me doesn't want to draw a close to this chapter of my life. There may have been times where training just sucked big balls, and when we all felt like shit, but ironically, those were the good times. :)

Hellweek secured.

2010-10-16T18:45:00.010+08:00

Flashback :

its 0130hrs, I'm sitting up on my bed with Chuang and Kian Yong, peeping out the window only to see a whole horde of instructors with automatic weapons and smoke bombs getting ready to let hell's fury out on us.

"Cheers brothers, see you back here in 5 days. No one gives up okay?" We said, as each held up a can of Red Bull, and drank the contents of it, savoring our last moment's of sanity together.

I put on my dry socks, my boots, and sat on my bed waiting for the gates of hell to open. Soon enough, SFX: *BOOOM*, and a whole load of firing and smaller thunderous explosions followed up. "FUCKING MUSTER NOW! MUSTER NOW! FUCKING HELL", and that was the last of my sanity.

Flashback :

its a dark night ( probably the 3rd night ), we're all running down the field, feet already badly blistered and soaking wet with foot rot. "you have 1 fucking minute to go touch the fence and get back here" - instructor X. We knew there were the injured amongst us who never stood a chance in making the unreasonable timing.

"Hey guys, fuck care him! we stick together, and finish the run together! don't be afraid! if we stick together, we have nothing to be afraid of! He can make us touch the fence as many times as he likes , but he won't break us! we fight this as a class! everybody grab your buddy and stay close! class come on!" - Ru Wen (our class IC). At that point, i realized one thing : That's the whole point of hell week. Its not about meeting unreasonable timings, or trying your best to meet the timing on your own, its about helping each other out, and being the one to lend your helping hand to someone else when he's in need of it. To be able to extend truly genuine help and expect nothing in return. To never leave your fallen comrade behind no matter how dire the situation may be, to always put your buddy's life ahead of your own.

At that moment, i knew 33rd batch had found something special in our hearts : team spirit - the faith that true strength lies in numbers and teamwork.

Flashback :

Its the last morning, theres' explosions everywhere, smoke grenades have fogged up the whole place, theres' hell load of whistles blowing, and hell lot more gun fire coming in all directions. we're running down the road with our IBS boats on our heads chasing instructor Y. We're tired as hell and we all know we can't keep this up for much longer, but this is our final moment of glory. Theres no giving up now, so we keep running even though we're all past our threshold.

"Help me! Helppppp!!!" - Brandon plead as he frantically struggled to keep the boat on his head. I ran out of my less strenous center spot on the boat, and took the weight from him.

"Here, quick go to the center! quick!" I said, relieving him from his pain in the temporal fractions of a second. And when it was my turn to call for help, Brandon was there to help me as well.

"Prepare to downboat ! .. Down boat !" , we put our boats down from our head carry position, and rushed to fall in infront of the parade square. After a long and inspiring speech, it finally came, the sentence we've all been waiting to hear : " 33rd batch, I hereby call a close on your Team Building Week!"

"HOOOOYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

Present :

Hell week allowed me to realize the kind of person i really am, showed me where my strengths and weaknesses lay and where my limits really are. And it showed me who my buddies really are, and what we're capable of doing with teamwork :) and a never say die attitude.

Overall, I've got to say : I'm relieved.

I'm relieved for a fact that, the true me that came out of the nutshell in my moments of insanity and suffering, :

was a person who never gave up fighting no matter how dire the situation was, it was a person who kept pushing the limits, who kept encouraging his batch boys and boat mates, was a person who tried his best to point direction in our chaos, and tried put to make sense out of our confusion.

I'm relieved for a fact that I'm not a weakling who breaks down and cries in the face of insanity, but someone who goes in headstrong.

Boat 1

To be honest, I'd bet nobody expected boat 1 to be this strong. Before hell week, it was a common perception that boat 1 (smurf boat) was the weakest boat, well, at least physically. But in hellweek, we proved everyone wrong, when we came out first in the boat competitions, when we arrived first in our boat paddling race, when we finished strong and first in our hump runs. I'd say hellweek is 10% physical , and 90 % mental strength.

And i suppose that's why we were strong in hellweek. Even though our physical bodies were broken down, we stood as one, endured as one, and fought as one with our mental strength to come out on tops for so many times.

Job well done, hooya boat 1 !! :) !! I love my smurf boat X) !!

We are the bold
United souls
We live to win another victory
Our sacred scars
Show who we are

And tell the story of our memories

2010-10-07T20:02:00.003+08:00

I've dug my grave, I've said my prayers, now I'm standing outside the gates of hell, waiting for it to open in just 53 hours time. When Sunday morning comes, I'll be in the fighting the biggest battle of my life : Hell - week.

The admins' been done, the logistics' been prepared, the plannings' done, there's no backing out now. Its just me, my inner motivation, and my buddies. Together, we'll charge through the realms of hell and come back out alive. 68 men in, 68 men out.

We are the bold
United souls
We live to win another victory
Our sacred scars
Show who we are
And tell the story of our memories

Don't be afraid
It's the price we pay
The only easy day was yesterday
So hear our voice
We have a choice
It's time to face it

We are one
We will stand together
Number one
The chosen ones
We are one
We will fight forever
We are one and we won't tire

Seize the day

2010-10-03T17:29:00.008+08:00

In a few hour's time, I'm going back to camp for another week of Hooya! The past few week's been quite tormenting (physically and mentally). Theres the days when I don't get enough sleep, where I wake up and all I wanna do is just lay on my bed and rest, theres been days where I'm so shagged out, I don't even feel like the bowl of shitty lunch sitting infront of me.

I try and tell myself, everyday I don't train 100 percent, someone else is. Every chance I let slip pass me, someone else is making good use of it. So no matter how tired I am, with all my might, I give it my best shot. But, its not always so picture perfect, and there are times when I give in to the weight of the training, because I'm only human.

If there's one thing this place has taught me, it's taught me to seize the day.

10/10/10. Hellweek

2010-10-03T07:23:00.009+08:00

Hellweek dawns upon the boys of 33rd Batch CDC. On the 10/10/10 (10th October 2010), we'll stand firm on the grounds of hell, we'll endure it as one, and after 5 days of war, we'll march out the gates of hell victorious, afterall, we're rough and rugged bunch of warriors yeah, Hooya!

Pain is pain; you can't fully describe it, you can only feel it. - Sicheng

2010-09-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

At the end of the day, the team is only as strong as the weakest man.

2010-09-11T13:51:00.002+08:00

"God bless us everyone. We're a broken people living under loaded gun. And it can't be outfoght. It can't be outdone. It can't out matched. It can't be outrun"

"God save us everyone, Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?For the sins of our hand. The sins of our tongue. The sins of our father. The sins of our young"

-Linkin Park, The Catalyst

2010-09-10T11:17:00.004+08:00

I nearly lost my mind in the jungles this week. It was like, trying to cling on to whatever bit of sanity left in my soul. I swear I nearly died. At the start of this course, I knew it'll be tough and difficult, but I never imagined I would lose my sanity every week. Now, I don't even care anymore - do what you want to me, I just want to see my friends and family on my weekends, if not, I'll go crazy.

Anyway, I'm running the army half marathon on Sunday. xD, I'm quite excited about that, even though I'm tired as hell right now.

2010-09-04T22:14:00.007+08:00

My sony MP3 headphones broke down yesterday ): and the 6th Gen ipod nano only hits the shelves next week. ):

Anyway, this week was rather tiring (well, every week is kinda tiring, but this week was a burn out). I can feel a little bit of fatigue kicking in, we get tired so easily these days. Probably cause we've been building up our training program for next week's 21km half marathon. We've been going at nearly 15 - 20km mileage every week. Uphill sprints, endurance runs, speed intervals, you name it.

We did some crazy pool snorkeling this week, and I've got to say as trainees, most of the time, we're out breath - yeah, even on land x) ! - But its crazy how long you can really actually go without air underwater, never thought I'd be able hold my breath for so long before.

Somebody please buy me a 6G ipod nano XD,
its awesomeeeeeee

33rd Batch Sluts
As the weeks go by, i feel like we're slowly maturing as a batch. We're no longer the same people we were when we enlisted. Today, we've grown alot stronger, tougher, and faster. Though we aren't really there yet, we'll get our act together slowly, and when Hellweek dawns upon us, we'll be ready for it. Boat smurfs will be ready for it, I'll be ready for it.

just for laughs

2010-08-29T09:44:00.005+08:00

I'm honestly quite demoralized. I've been training like everyone else. Putting up 100% like everyone else. Yet I failed my 4km timed run for the 3rd time in the 3rd week straight. What the fuck will it take for me to pass my timed run?

We're going to do 6km timed runs from next week onwards (no more 4km). And I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna pass that, when I can't even pass my 4km timed run.

Am I just not built for running ? Is it because I don't have the 'running genes' ? I dont know really. But fuck, I ran till i puked at the finish line and i still didn't pass. That's all that matters. I'm doomed for remedial training every saturday. >.<

Mood's been rather down in camp lately. Everyone's on zombie mode and morale's really low, thanks to the people we deem as our "Batch fuckers". The individualists who simply refuse to contribute their help in a tight situation. The people who only think about themselves before even considering the need to help other people. Its a really ugly personality I'm just DISGUSTED by it.

"Ah, I'm tired, so I'm going to rest on my bed, while everyone else does area cleaning for me." "Lets go to the toilet, theres no body there. We don't have to help out if we're in the toilet."

This sorta thing. Get my drift? They think: "ah someone else's gonna do it for me eventually, so i'll just go rest at the corner while everyone does it ^^."

Its fucking ugly and it disgusts me. When are people going to realize that the faster we put aside our individualistic thinking, the better off we'll be? When are they gonna realize that our true strength lies in our numbers, in our ability to cooperate with each other, in our team spirit, in our teamwork, and not as individuals? They just don't see it. They don't see that our class is only as strong as the weakest link. That being an individual gets you no where, no matter how fit you are, how fast you swim, or how far you run, it all counts for nothing.

Apart from the individualists in our class, I sense the team players in our class are losing their morale as well. For just how long more are we gonna clean the toilets and do your shit for you, while you relax in the toilet, or sleep on your bed for an extra 5minutes? Camp is an ugly place. And it ain't gonna get prettier any time soon.

2010-08-20T23:10:00.007+08:00

Think you know all about yourself as you are now? Think again. Its interesting how a moment of insane suffering can show you a side of yourself you've never seen before. I'm not making this up. Put a man through suffering and his through colours will come out.

Me, I'm a whiner. When I'm suffering, all I'll do is bitch and whine about how fucked up the situation is. I'll scold my batch boys like fucking sluts, scream at them for the slightest lapse of concentration. But then again, as I learn more about this part of myself which I've never seen before,I try to make myself a better person. I try to reach into the diabolic core of my soul and make a 180 turn for the better. I've been through times where I'm just so fucking tired and frustrated, I don't wanna move from my seat to help out the rest of the team. But I've also had times where even though I'm sick and tired of this shit, i feel like screaming like i always do, but instead i shut the fuck up and sincerely try my very best to help the guys to my left and right get back on their feet and fight the Tsunami of shit flying our direction, to salvage the situation, no matter how hopeless it may seem.

I don't deny that I've got a fucking ugly side hidden somewhere deep in there (which most you guys haven't seen). But, I am who I am, and that ugly side defines me as much as anything else. I wont try to change myself. But as I understand this new side of me, I'll try my very best to be a better me.

2010-08-15T19:07:00.011+08:00

Hello! I've come back home, I enjoy my mom's company, my cousins, my grandmother .. In camp I've got good buddies who've been through thick and thin by my side. I'm in the pink of health (except for that little fever i had this week). But something's missing. Its a tingling feeling that's been bothering for awhile now. I feel so good, yet so empty. I can't translate to words the feeling I'm trying to express, but this song best fits the description :)

New Radicals - Someday We'll know

90 miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind
Whatever happened to Emilia Earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the Titanic cry

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I'm speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me?

I wish i knew.

Next phase

2010-07-30T22:28:00.002+08:00

Alright ! Today, i officially completed the last day of the land training phase of my course.

Next up, Combat Diver Course :D , which will last me the next 3-4 months. After being put through the 1 month of land training, I've come to really appreciate the fact that I'm in the navy. I mean, army guys go through alot of shit, seriously. I can't help thinking to myself: "thank god I no longer need to high kneel on the rocky ground, or high kneel in a muddle of chocolate mud, cause it's seriously not fun at all, if you have 20kilos of shit in your bag pack. I also find myself sooo dam fortunate that I no longer need to spend another night constipated in a jungle, nor having to ever need to lie down in bugs infested waist level vegetation (cause you can feel lots of tiny things crawling all over you.)

See, in the navy's diving unit, we're waterborne. Yeah sure theres tough times, but I rather have my tough times in the form of PT, than jungle torture.

Buddies

2010-07-24T08:28:00.009+08:00

Hammering

This week's one of the most shag weeks I've had in camp. On Monday we got the shit hammered out of our asses, because alot of us fell asleep during a lecture by a guest speaker.

"YOU FUCKING DISGRACE ! ARGHHHHHHHHHH DROPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

8km fast march
Then we did a 8km fast march on Tuesday, which was really just totally mind blasting. I nearly died from that one. around 25kg of weight on your shoulders, and on top of that, a fucking machine gun - Holy Cow. And not only that, we were practically JOGGING the 8km, cause the pace was 1km every 10 minutes. SHITT~

8km conditioning run
Then we did a 8km conditioning run on Friday, which honestly, wasn't that hard (comparing to the 8km jog with 25kilos on your back, yeah, this is alot better). But, by friday we're all feeling a little bit of the shaggness kicking in, and our bodies were feeling a little bit fatigued and our gears a little bit rusty. So, yeah it was quite a challenge in its own.

Overall, this week is the most jam pack physically tiring week I've had so far. And it's taught me many things.

This week I learnt that there's strength in unity. Unity as a class, as a group, as a clique. There were so many times when I felt that I couldn't take the pain anymore. But on every occasion without fail, my buddies would be there to help me though the challenge. And when my buddies needed help, I would be there to give him my encouragement too.

Buddies
During the 8km road march we had on Tuesday, I was quite doubtful that I'd even complete it, given my back injury. By the 2km mark my back was starting to give way and i could feel a little bolt of pain going down from my back, to my legs. My buddy (Ivan) carried my field pack (25kg) for me for the next 2km !! THATS MY 25KG , ON TOP OF HIS 25KG, AND HIS MACHINE GUN , JOGGING FOR 2KM !! It was then when i realized that I'm not alone on the stage, that my buddies would be there for me, and it really touched me at that point.

When I'm doing some hellish long run, sometimes it gets the wind knocked right out of your my lungs, and I'm so dam shag, i feel like giving up. But i look to my left and to my right, i see my buddies going through the same hell as me, sharing the same pain as me, and they're not giving up, I find my motivation and i take another step forward. Yes, i find strength in unity :) !

Next week won't be any easier either. Next week is the final week of our land phase, so .. we're expecting a tough week next week. From then on, it'll be waterborne :) !! Boat PT , dives , timed sea swims, sea circuits (obstacle course) .. etc etc.

Awesome week

2010-07-17T09:15:00.004+08:00

went for physiotherapy on Thursday at MMI (military medicine institute). They did ultrasound therapy followed by some electric current therapy thingy for my back injury, and taught me some stretches and strengthening exercises to work on every night (but I'm doing it at every opportunity lol.).

Honestly, physiotherapy is god's gift to man. I've been feeling ALOT better since my physiotherapy appointment 3 days ago. Yes, now I actually think I may be able to get over my back injury afterall. Of course, that's provided I'm extra careful not to aggravate it over the next few weeks.

This week was an awesome week. Its been so jammed pack with learning new things. yeah, we did a 4km fast march (FYI : it's RUNNING with 20kg of battle gears over your back, and a farking weapon in your hands, this is no joke .. seriously , i swear i thought my heart would stop pumping if i went any more).

Then we had a WHOLE DAY of swimming purely dedicated to perfecting our combat stroke, most likely to prepare us for our timed sea swims coming next month. (i thought my ankles were going to break from a whole day of fin swimming).

Then we had a WHOLE DAY of demolition, WHICH WAS FUCKING AWESOME I TELL YOU. it was really spectacular to experience the explosion first hand. I'm fucking privileged to have experienced this (like seriously, almost all other NSF wouldn't even get a chance do awesome shit like this). "30 seconds to detonation ! .. 5 .. 4 .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. BOOOOOOOOOOM!" "Fire in the hole, fire in the hole , fire in the hole !!" Fucking awesome hollywood shit i tell you !

Then we had Pilate class on one of our nights (yes, in camp). They hired a pilate instructor to come down and conduct pilate sessions for us. Gotta love em.

Then we had night time PT. which was really intense and crazy. I mean, which fucker does PT at 9pm ? -.- ..

This week was an awesome week for me.

Injury

2010-07-10T20:50:00.005+08:00

This week's been a jammed pack busy week. Here's a preview of what my routine is like.

0500
Waking up. Getting up from bed is a bitch when you've only slept for 4 hours, and you're still feeling sore and tired from carrying load and running and doing PT. You can't help but be pissed off as you lift your head off the pillow. This is the part of the day where my buddy can ask me : " got toothpaste?" , and I may actually reply : " fuck you .. shut the fuck up -.- ". But we all understand that everybody's just too fucking tired.

2100 - 2230
End of one day of lessons. Of course, after 2230, you're busy doing you're homework for the next day. Packing your bags, studying for a theory test, polishing your boots, doing your laundry.

2359
Lights out. Sleep feeling like a bitch.

To be at home sleeping till the sun rises, its a real luxury that I've really come to appreciate on my precious weekends.

Anyway. I've been struggling with an injury to my lower back recently. I've got very limited range of motion (twisting and turning, bending forward and backward) around my core muscles. Got my xray results today, lucky for me, Doc says my injury is probably a muscle problem and nothing to do with slipped discs or spinal collapse or any shit like that.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be doing alot of stretching whenever i get the chance. And with a little miracle, maybe my condition will improve. We'll see in the coming weeks.

Till then, i'll be
Fighting with a broken body!

where I'm at, this quote is speaks it all.

A walk to remember

2010-07-04T00:38:00.004+08:00

I've been reading a book. titled - A walk to remember. Its just sooo touching !! I've been thinking about it so much.

"""" Love is always patient and kind, It is never jealous
Love is never boastful or conceded
It is never rude , or selfish
It does not take offense, it is not resentful" - A walk to remember (the movie)

Pessimism

2010-07-02T11:31:00.017+08:00

1st July 2010

After 10 weeks of crappy living, I'm now officially Private Gordon :) !

Next, I'll be undergoing Combat Diver training, which will put me through a physically and mentally challenging 4 month ordeal, which includes the boss, the grand finale, the famous "Hell Week" at the very end of the 4 months.

The hardest part of all this, is to stay motivated to complete the 4 months. Yes I want to be a diver. Like any other trainee, i think its cool .. its awesome .. its an interesting vocation, its glorious. But honestly, everyday is just a whole day of shit that pisses you off.

Let me give you an example. When someone fucks up, the whole platoon is made to roll in mud for hours, or someone fucks up, the whole platoon is made to run and touch a fence 200m away and come back in 1 minute (for hours at one go). - and yes, theres alot more fucked up and dumb punishments they got up their sleeves. It's just really frustrating at times.

At night, after a full day of shit, i lie down on my bed and close my eyes to have a moment with myself, and i ask myself if I'm looking forward to tomorrow, the honest answer is : no

I'm not looking forward to another day. Do you know what it feels like to sleep every night, with knowing that tomorrow's gonna be shittier? I mean, you've gotta be mentally retarded , if after getting fucked up by your instructors for a whole day, you're still look forward to having another day of training.

But yes, my fitness has improved a great deal since I joined the army. My 2.4km timed run (or 1.5miles) especially.

Before enlisting : 11m 20s
Week 2 : 9.46
week 7 9.53 (probably because i was not rested enough from the previous day)
week 9 : 9.36 (personal best !!)

Well, the requirement to meet is 9minutes and 14s. So you could say I'm slowly, but surely getting there. I told you, everyday in here is a day you push your limits one step higher. And as much as i enjoy being fit and all, I think I'm not handling the training program too well. Since I've started, I've aggravated my lower back injury (had it before enlisting), and now it seems like I've picked up an ankle strain, which i fucking don't know how it got there - i woke up one morning and it was like that ever since - Its a paradox, i feel myself becoming fitter, yet perhaps my body is breaking down at the same time. - haha

Anyway, I'll try not to be so pessimistic with this depressing post. I'm taking baby steps. One day at a time, one week at a time, clearing one obstacle at a time. And hopefully after 18 weeks, my mother will come up to me, and pin that badge on my chest on my graduation.

So its one step at a time.

Signing off, Private Gordon.

2010-06-27T15:29:00.007+08:00

Alright, I've been typing, and deleting, and typing, and deleting because i cant find a suitable opening for this post. I wanted to talk about training and training and running and swimming and camp life. But yeah, its all been posted before.

I mean, what can i say ? Everyday in camp is just about running and swimming and push ups and sit ups and doing chin ups. In fact, I think im addicted to this lifestyle that's been painfully programmed into my neuro-systems. Saturdays and Sundays are supposed to be my rest days. But here I am, all my legs in my shorts, running in the sun and hitting the gym. I met some long lost buddies in the gym just now, and they went :" in camp train so much, now weekend still wanna train??? mad ah!" (hazwin and hazwan). And thats what got me thinking.

Okay, so I'm running around 9 minutes and 53 seconds for my 2.4km (or 1.5mile) timed run, which i think isnt too bad for a couch potato like me. My whole 19 years on this planet, I've never ran below 11 minutes and 20seconds, but here i am, just 2 months in the military and I'm already running below 10minutes. Anyway, the standard for 2.4km runs here is quite high. Most of my batch boys tell me they cant run for nuts. They say "awww i dont have the running genes." and "ohhh im not a runner. I totally suck". And well, they're good liars.

They run anywhere from 8minutes and 19 seconds, to 9minutes and 20 seconds on average. And hell that's fast. Thats sprinting the whole distance !! See? dont blame me for doing extra trainings on my days off . lol .

Everyday i sleep feeling tired and sore. Well im not complaining, instead, its a good sign really. Feeling tired and sore assures me that when i wake up the next morning, when the pain goes away, I'm a stronger person than i was the previous day. They say : pain is weakness leaving the body, and that statement definitely has some truth to it :) !

i quote the navy seals : The only easy day was yesterday. Because everyday here is a day of physical torture. Be it during physical training , or during our daily runs, or our pool swim, it always pushes your physical and mental limits one level further.

And while I'm getting physically and mentally stronger here every week, i lose a part of me that belongs to the outside world. Yes I've made brothers out of my friends in camp. Brothers that've been through the thick and thin by my side. But I can't help but feel that I'm drifting proportionally further from the things i've used to love.

I guess this is a transition, a new beginning. I hate beginnings. Because as i begin to write the next chapter in my life, I inevitably put an end to the previous chapter. I hate to say it. But i guess i'm drifting away from the old life i used to have. Taekwondo, friends, school, and you. Its sad, but thats the hard cold reality. It ain't always sunshine and rainbows everday.

I wish i could've made it clear earlier, the way i felt about you. But here i am moving on with my life, and there you are, moving on with yours perfectly the way it was. I came into your life for one short moment, and all that's left are my footprints, thats the reality of the situation. i guess you'll carry on with your life, oblivious to the feelings i kept inside me.

Think of me when you're out,
when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well it's a shame I'm a dream
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

2010-06-20T16:48:00.004+08:00

I wish I was a better conversationist ..

ok i know you may be thinking im gay for putting bieber's music up

i think he's gay too

but this song is alright. xD

2010-06-18T10:47:00.004+08:00

Lets say you're in the middle of mandai jungle.

You're

waking up at 4am because a thunderflash exploded (something like a flashbang).
rolling and crawling around in the mud (which feels the same as nutella chocolate).
pissed off because your boots are soaked ankle high, FROM THE INSIDE.
not showering
not brushing your teeth
not taking a shit (yes, i didnt shit for 4 days)
not sleeping , because 1) your tent is wet and soaked with mud, 2) you're afraid that your stuff will go missing, because 'ninjas' come and go.
not eating well
doing push ups on a ground infested with fucking tiny rocks

mmm, lets imagine that, does that sound good to you? Sometimes i ask myself, why the fuck am i putting myself through the pain, through this shit. For who? for what? why ? Well, i dont fucking know.

motivation

2010-05-27T23:07:00.007+08:00

Nobody said being a diver was going to be a walk in the park, and I expected tough times. Every week just pushes you one step further. Every week fucks you up a little more than the last. The hardest part isn't about the physical stress or mental fucking, thats all part and parcel of the package and I can understand that. The hardest part of this all is when you lie down on your bed at night and think about all the fucked up things that's happened, and still say "I still want this." To be honest, there were a couple of moments this week when i just felt like 'what the fuck man, screw this shit, this is fucked up, why the fuck am i doing this shit for? ... etc etc etc .'

But no, I'm not giving up. Some things in life, you've only got one shot at it, are you going to sieze the opportunity? or just let it slip right through your fingers.The choice is yours to make. I choose not to live a life of regrets. The only way I'm going to stop trying is if i drop dead.

.that was my biggest regret.

fucking hell

2010-05-21T17:44:00.003+08:00

Am I getting lost in my dreams?
Are you unreachable to me?
Cause these butterflies just won't go away

But I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart

Who i really am.

2010-05-15T19:27:00.007+08:00

Me.

Tough times let you know who you really are. It shows you first hand where your mental and physical limits are, how weak or how strong you are. It shows you what your true character is like. It tells you where your strengths lie, what your weaknesses are. It measures the amount of mental steel in your mind, and tests your motivation and determination to the very core of your soul.

Unless you've been through hell and back, there are some lessons you just can't learn.

Aside from all the jokes and crap that I spill off from my mouth, I, am a very quiet person actually. If you've seen me 100% focused on my training , in running, or tkd, you'd notice that. When I'm stressed, in training or whatever leadership position, I'm quiet because I'm in a world of my own. I shut off everything irrelevant, and try to stay 150 % focused on the situation at hand before I respawn myself in reality. There, a glimpse of the true me.

2010-05-07T22:59:00.002+08:00

Hello civilisation, I'm back. I'm sitting here looking at the screen, and I cant put to words how the last 2 weeks was for me.

I've got a whole lot of new buddies :D, awesome cabin mates, and awesome cabin neighbours. Haha, they're the bunch of dudes which crack sick jokes that make me laugh my ass off.

Then theres the down side. The physical training here is OUT OF THIS WORLD, seriously. I did things I've never done before, which include

Running until im so tired that I run like a bloody slut
Make orgasmic sounds during PT
Let off screams during PT that don't even sound like a human scream

A few times we've been hammered really hard, but at night when I get some time to close my eyes and think, it makes me feel like this is all going to be worth it. Tough times build tough men. Tough men stand out in tough times. (:, the next few months will test the core of my very soul .. and I will try my best every time !

2010-04-27T08:50:00.002+08:00

Generally, I'm not a quitter. Let me just say that, I'm a person who knows what I want. When I set a goal for myself, I will work to get there.

(Like when i set a goal to get an unrealistic B for math, I ACTUALLY DID IT. WTF LOL. - not without lots of studying obviously, must gimme some credit there xD)

Today, I know what my next goal is. I want to become a naval diver. I know its not going to be easy, and i can already smell the tough times cooking ahead. But I wont give up and let myself down (: .

Period.

Excellence

2010-04-23T09:24:00.006+08:00

Excellence–noun, the fact or state of excelling; superiority; eminence

If its one thing being in JJ Taekwondo has taught me , its excellence. every time i throw out a kick or go for a run, its in the pursuit of excellence. But I don't think I'll ever achieve excellence, because as i improve, my expectations of myself increase. But that's what excellence is all about isn't it? : to constantly improve and exceed your own expectations.

I remember once during a taekwondo camp we had in changi, our coach brought us out for one gruelling long run (the longest i had till that point). And after finishing the run, he told us that we just covered 18km. I was SHELL-SHOCKED, i far exceeded my own expectations. I cant even cover a good 2.4km , and here i just finished 18 km, this day was the turning point for the things to come in my life, because it reformed my perception about the line where i thought my physical and mental limits were, and that's why i signed up for the 42km sundown marathon the very next month, to test the very core of my soul's limits. And i surprised myself when i finished that 42km too. And from there on, i understood what excellence is: to constantly keep trying and improve beyond your own expectations.

Today, i still cannot finish 2.4km in 10 minutes. But i can definitely juice out a 10k or a 15k (given enough time that is). Moral of the post ? : Most of us, we're stronger than we think we actually are. you just have to give yourself a chance to prove to yourself / ( or in simple terms, to get out of your comfort zone and try )

Also, i dont think i'm exceptionally good or gifted in the art of taekwondo. There are somethings i just don't understand. Take for example a back hook, or a 540 back hook, I couldn't do it the first time round, and i still cant do it right today, yet i've seen people who can grasp the technique within 2 or 3 hours of learning it. But today, i can throw a turning kick 100times better than what i used to do 2 years ago when i just joined the club. Why?, its not because i had a god given talent, but because it didn't come without hard work. Most importantly, it didn't come without learning excellence.

I wont be where i am today if it weren't for the club. (:

2010-04-22T22:09:00.003+08:00

happy birthday to me. thanks for the wishes people. The bunch friends I have are the awesome-est lot.

Just my thoughts : sometimes the people that you'd expect to be able to put themselves in your shoes and totally understand you the best, to know what you're thinking, your thoughts, your actions. Sometimes, ironically, They're the lot that sometimes seem so dam fucking far away from you.

2010-04-20T16:22:00.003+08:00

Robin Van Persie is as good as Wanye Rooney, easily better than him, if he had not broken his leg this season.

If you do not believe you can do it, then you have no chance at all
- Arsene Wenger

2010-04-19T12:14:00.002+08:00

S9115233I , your enlistment date is 28/04/2010. Your reporting unit is NAVAL DIVING HEADQUARTERS. Msg from CMPB.

as if I'll forget to turn up. -_-. faggy msg.

bad habit, bad day, bad injury

2010-04-18T11:31:00.008+08:00

Saturday 17th April 2010.

I knew it. I just felt it coming, but I carried on anyway. I shouldn't have gone for taekwondo today. I fucked something in my back during training just now. All i did was turning kicks, no back hook no 540 kick, and i still managed to pick up a back injury. (but those were some hard core turning kicks xP). This is one of my bad habits. I cannot bring myself to skip training. I just cant. Even if i have a strain, blisters, sore throat or whatever shit, I must train, because somewhere out there , someone's better than me, and someone's training harder than me. They say, if you really want something, then make no excuses, go out and get it, that's what i try to do in taekwondo, but sometimes i wonder if I'm over doing myself.Sometimes i wish i could just sit back and take some time off to let my body recover from all the hammering i put it through, but i cant, i really cant bring myself to do it, blame me for being hyper determined and hyper motivated.

this is my bad habit,
this is my bad habit.

Its bad, my back. I cannot sit properly, I cannot stand properly, I can only lie down and hope nothing's torn or broken. I went for acupuncture yesterday, and got 5 needles stuck into my back. The acupuncture-ist (or whatever she's called) then put some cotton or something on the top of each metal needle, and set em on fire. It was a terrifying and electrifying (literally) experience really. The heat from the burning fuel travelled down the metal needle and right into my back, which was really numbing and scary.

After the therapy session which lasted for 45 minutes, with needles on fire on my back, I'm sad to say that I'm still fucked up. Its not that it didnt work. It did (i think), its just, maybe 20 percent less painful than before ( which is still mother - ****ing painful anyway ).

So what does my back injury mean ? It means I'm practically ruled out for the rest of my 11 days of civilian life before going into the army. It means I cannot go running, I cannot go swimming, I cannot go for taekwondo, and I cannot hit the gym in the next 10 days.

Please, I pray that nothing's severely fucked in my lower back. This is probably the worst time to pick up an injury in my back. I can only hope I recover in time before enlisting. Just a few days ago i was thinking about ways to push myself over the limits and cut down my 2.4km timing. Now? now im thinking about how fucked up I'm going to be if i dont recover in 10 days time.

ok, enough of the unfortunate happenings fucking up my life. Heres one for the laughs.

Desperation

2010-04-16T21:08:00.008+08:00

Today I did an interval run. For all you folks who don't know what an interval run is, its basically pushing yourself to your limits, sustaining for as long as you can, then rest, and repeat the process 3 or 4 times. In other words, its a very tiring -SPRINT-WALK-SPRINT- type of thing. I read articles that this type of training helps improve your 2.4km timing (aerobic fitness) because it helps ur heart to get used to higher intensities when you run at a faster pace.

(If you look at the graph, my heartrate sky rockets each time i start my sprint, and then drops during the intervals.)

Honestly, I'm desperate to try anything that will help shave even Milli seconds off my 2.4km timing in the next 12 days. So today I pushed myself at 150 % effort and 200% focus into my run today. The after effect? Even 20 minutes after i stopped running, I'm literally still DRIPPING sweat from my eyebrows, chin and finger tips. Prolly because of the fact that i was running at around 180 - 189 beats per minute (number of heartbeats per min , measured w my watch xD) , which translates to -

A) either you're on the verge of fainting, or

B) you're terribly out of breath and your body is urging you to stop the torture.

When I say my 2.4km timing SUCKS BALLS, its one of the things in I'm dead serious about. Alot of peeps give me the "ah who you trying to kid, you done 42km and you cant run 2.4km?". But in reality this is seriously not the case at all. Yes I've done some really bad ass tiring races like that stretch for 42km or 21km, but thing is, in a 42km race, you're going for sustainability. What you try to do, is run at a comfortable pace, and try and sustain that pace for as long as you can, so if you want a better timing, you've just got to train harder before the race to make sure your body can sustain a faster speed at a comfortable pace. However in a 2.4km timing when the clock is ticking against you, say you want to finish in 9 or 10 minutes, then you've got to run at a very fast pace, and to some people ( especially me ), that kind of pace is neither comfortable, nor sustainable. SO F**K 2.4KM.

So, if you've got a routine that improved your 2.4km timing, please share it with me on MSN .. XD.

2010-04-14T20:57:00.002+08:00

Hello blog. I haven't paid much attention to my blog for the past month because I've been busy busy busy. Well, not really. Just Last week I was strolling Ueno Park admiring the majestic views of the cherry blossom trees in full bloom. It was 12 degrees Celsius and the air was thin and cool. Now, I'm miserable and I'm sitting here in 28 degrees hot humid Singapore.

Anyway, I'm reaching a big milestone in my life in exactly 2 weeks time. Yes, you guessed it, I'm going into the army xD. On 28th April I'm closing the chapter on childhood (youth is a transition) and opening the doors of adulthood (aiya they say army makes you a man and all that shit .. blah blah, you get what i mean.) Frankly speaking I'm hyped up and excited, in fact, I cant wait to enlist. I'm done waiting. I've waited for 4 months already. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to go diving for free xD. They call divers Frogmen in the navy. On 28th April I become a tadpole man, by the end of 2010, I become almighty FROGMAN. (if i dont drop out of the dive school that is.)

This is January.
12 years ago, she showed up at my doorstep on the 14th floor.
I dont know how she got there
Maybe fate put her there for my family
I've watched her
eat and sleep, grow and play, bite me and bite strangers, pee and poop
she was there for me when I was down and out, sad and lost
but now I'm watching her bump into chairs and walls
I'm watching her sleep 22 hours a day
I'm watching her health deteriorate
I'm watching her cough in the middle of the night
I'm watching her age.
can you imagine how it feels to watch something
move further away from you every passing day? when its just beside you?

The Run Therapy

2010-03-16T19:22:00.007+08:00

I can't seem to understand why people enjoy running in groups.

I find most satisfaction in running alone. Running alone gives me a break from the hustle of everyday life. When running alone, its just you and your soul, running at your own pace (if you feel tired, you could just stop without worrying about slowing your partner down, or vice versa). You feel fresh air in your lungs, sweat dripping down your chin, and best of all, you feel your heart beating against your ribcage like a sledgehammer, reminding you that you're alive and kicking, that there's more to life than just facebook.

I mean, at home or in schools or when going out, there's just so much information to process, so much things to do, so many things to think about. And finally when you take the time out to run alone, you don't need to think about anything else other than placing one foot infront of the other for as long as you can. It is in this solitude that I find clarity in my thoughts (; To think about issues one at a time), which has been my best therapy when in uncertain and tough times.

And over time when you do it long enough, your stamina improves, you run faster, you run for longer durations, longer distances. That's when the run-therapy becomes addictive, and what originally started as a form of therapy for your soul, becomes something on an entirely different level :

You start to feel as though you could go on forever without taking a break or a drink, the feeling is great. And whenever you run, you hear the rhythm of your own breathing taking control. You feel in control of your body, your feet takes you where you want to go, your body doesn't rest until you allow it to, your mind just won't give up. And then there's the lungs. Your lungs feel like they've been implanted from an elephant, no matter how long or how far you run, your lungs still feel great. Your breathing still feels good, you start to feel confident about your fitness. Then you feel more adventurous, you wanna try conquering something new. It gives you the foundations, physically and mentally to start a new sport like cycling, or swimming.

And when you don't run, you start to feel fat, unhealthy, sick, unhappy, its your body demanding you give it what it wants. Once you've become hooked, there's no escaping it, you've got to keep running.

Lance Armstrong - my greatest inspiration

2010-03-11T20:00:00.011+08:00

Lance Armstrong is the BIGGEST inspiration in my life. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer which had spread to his lungs and brains. After recovering, he came back on his bike and won the tour de france a record breaking 7 times in a row. Next time you think you cant do it, Lance did it after having 3 cancers.

2010-03-05T18:11:00.006+08:00

5th March, 2010

Today is the pivoting point in my life. It makes my future, it reaffirms my past, it makes my present. So I've gotten my alvl results, and I'm in a state of mixed emotions. I have many reasons to be happy right now. But I'm not.

Reason number 1
I scored a C for my math. I know C isn't much of a big deal to many of you out there. But, to me, C is huge. My math grade in prelim exams was U, and i pulled it all the way up to C, and I'm quite happy with that, considering my math was always a goner.

Reason number 2
I scored a B for both biology and chemistry. Which, to me, is also quite satisfactory. The chemistry paper 1 (multiple choice questions) was a killer to me. I was literally dripping cold sweat when i walked out from the exam hall that day, and i thought "my god, this is fucked, this is fucked". So the fact that I managed to pull off a B, is a BIG BIG relief.

Reason number 3
So with that, I have cleared my 3 H2 subjects with BBC. which is ... okay. I mean, look at my prelim grades : DSU !!!

So why am I not happy? Simple, i fucked my general paper (which is like, ENORMOUS-LY IMPORTANT). I mean, fucked. I don't want to talk about my general paper grade here. But its fucked, thats all you need to know.

I'll be taking some time over the next few days to examine all the options I have, and hopefully make a well informed and educated decision to decide the course of my future.

So, tell me, should I be happy or sad?

2010-02-24T20:12:00.006+08:00

If you have tried but failed, you aren't necessarily a loser. You just haven't succeeded YET. :)

I can only imagine what it feels like to stand on the podium biting the hard earned medal, on the biggest most prestigious sporting stage of them all. The feeling of joy, expression of satisfaction. What I wouldn't give to experience it !

2010-02-10T19:49:00.007+08:00

They say ignorance is bliss. I say, bullshit.

Wouldn't it be nice, to be living with no concerns, no responsibilities, no worries? To be living in a world where your only responsibility is to have fun and make friends? Well, I've lived a life full of those thanks to the sacrifices of my parents. At some point in your life, they wont be there to protect you like before, and when the time comes, we must be ready. But, life ain't always all sunshine and rainbows. Times have changed. We're going to be adults soon and we've got to learn to bear more responsibilities and burdens. We can't live under the wing of our parents for the rest of our lives people, its time to take flight. So if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.

i've just been slapped hard with the cruel reality of my life.
yes, my life is different from yours.

2010-02-08T22:58:00.001+08:00

I've been feeling like shit recently. And i don't even know why.

2010-02-04T09:42:00.012+08:00

Okay, i went swimming in the morning yesterday, and jun jie asked me if i wanted to swim / run with him later in the late afternoon. So i went swimming again in the late afternoon, and then ran to Chinese garden right after swimming, followed by some stair climbing. I feel so tired now. T_T

Anyway, I just thought I'd type out some random thoughts that's been lingering around in my mind for awhile.

The things we can achieve with our bodies, limitless. We can effortlessly walk, run, swim, cycle, roller blade, etc etc. because we have proper and functioning bodies. I was just thinking, on that fateful day when old age catches up on me, the day when I'm wheelchair bound, or just lying in my bed, the day when I can no longer afford the strength to do all these things, how would my life be like? Would i still be happy and cheerful? Would i still be satisfied and contented?

Death is a disease that everybody has, no one escapes it, and it creeps up on us with each passing day. We should all strive to achieve what we can, while we can, with the short duration of our lives. Do we want to waste precious days with meaningless unproductive things? Or do we want to use our precious days in the pursuit of our dreams and ambitions? Choose one, because we don't have much time :)

2010-01-31T21:03:00.003+08:00

Firstly, every fight is really just a huge mind game. Its really like a game of chess. Yesterday, I already lost the match before i stepped in the ring with coach. Because i know I'm not on the same level as him both technically and match fitness wise. It was a really demoralizing mentality going into a match already picturing defeat.

The result? I had my left arm all smashed up and got a total bashing. By the second round I was so tired and coupled with the horrible -out of this world- pain in my arm, i felt that i was already mentally fried. In fact i didnt really care about how my opponent was showering me with kicks in all directions anymore, just thinking "OH FUCK IT seriously, you know what, hit me for all i care, I really cant be bothered with this already". well, as the saying goes, no pain no gain. I guess i learned my lesson. If you go into a fight with a mentality like that, then you've already lost the match before it's started.

And then when training was over, i went to vivo for an outing with my long lost classmates. It was actually fun-ner than i expected it to be, and i swallowed half a can of Heineken for the first time. And i don't understand why people drink that shit. Sorry but I'm not the kind that drinks stuff to intentionally fry my liver up. I reached home at midnight, and slept at 1am.

After 3 hours of sleep, i woke up at 4am to eat breakfast for my race. I seriously felt like shit. My left arm was feeling the full force of yesterday's pounding and smashing, and my legs and back were seriously fucking sore ( yeah, fucking - sore ). So during my race i was really just fighting to put one foot infront of the other in a comfortable running pace. In fact, my whole strategy was to run the distance between the water stations in the race route (maybe 2-3km intervals), pour water over my head, drink a cup of hundred plus, and walk for a few minutes, and set off for the next station and repeat. hahahahaha. In the end it was a real fight mentally (strangely i was more mentally exhausted than physically exhausted). And i managed to finish the 12.5km in around 1 hour and 30 minutes.

Plunging into waist deep water, crawling through mud pools that smell like shit, climbing steps, walls, monkey bars, this is definitely one of my favorite races so far !!!

My body is a machine that takes me where i want to go.
It does what i want it to do, goes where i want it to go.
It doesn't stop unless I give it permission to
it doesn't control me, i control it.

2010-01-28T11:51:00.011+08:00

Life is a journey we all go through. And at some point, we're going to meet a challenge, like a wall in the middle of our path that reaches high into the sky, and stretches wide across the oceans. Its like a wall that we never know if we're going to be able to cross, a scenario where success is never guaranteed. It is what we do in times like this that make us different. Will you turn around at the sight of the wall, and give up without trying to cross it? Or will you attempt, and give up halfway through? Or will you keep trying until you're time's up, knowing that you may never even achieve success anyway?

If you have tried your best and persevered long enough, with abit of luck, you may finally achieve your goal, then that success is your final reward. If we have tried our best and given all it all our juice, whether or not we eventually attain the success we want, we're champions in our own way. We're champions of our mind, and we've lived our lives without leaving any regrets. That's a meaningful life.

2010-01-23T22:01:00.005+08:00

Went to Pulau Ubin for cycling with tkd mates today. I'd say that our trip was really good !! We cycled from around 12.30 till around 4pm, though in reality it felt like a flash forward because it was so fun especially on the down-slopes (though the up hill climbs put a really cruel burning sensation on my thighs .. hahaha!). What a better way to spend a sunny afternoon cycling along the trials of pulau ubin in the company of good friends ? :D. In the end, we went to eat at Just Acia at Plaza Sing, where the highlight was mainly the free flow of ice cream and drinks, and went home, most of us feeling tired and sunburnt after a good day.

Next week, I'll do alot of interval trainings right up to race day on Sunday. FYI, I'm participating in the Men's Health Urbanatlon on Sunday (12km), feels kind of embarrassing to run this race given the title 'Men's health', sounds like some kind of macho dude event, which I'm totally not.
(im following the schedule from the men's health training recommendation for the race)

4x200m Monday
4x600m Tuesday
4x300m (and Taekwondo :D) Wednesday
rest Thursday
4x800 Friday
rest (Taekwondo :D) Saturday
race SUNDAY !!

To encourage those around me to try out long distance race events, I've always told them not to fear coming in last place in the race since the chances of that is really low. Firstly, they're the people that get injured or muscle cramps, those people are usually the people limping towards the finish line near the cut off times. Then , they're the jokers that start strong and run quickly, and later on when they start to feel tired, they just walk slowly ( very slowly in fact, because they're so tired. even a normal person would probably be walking alot faster than them. ), and those jokes usually come in very late in the race as well. If you just took the time to just walk the entire distance of the race, you probably still wouldn't come in last !!!

Ironically, today I'm worried that I may come in last in my race this Sunday :(, since its only 12km, I'd expect everyone to go out all strong and mighty fast. I'm really hopeless when it comes to speed / timed runs. My failure 2.4km timing is evidence of this fact !! T_T

Now that I've been living a life of no responsibilities for 3 weeks already, I've been thinking of how I'd make my living my everyday productively and fruitfully.

So, I've decided today. I'm going to give Mixed Martial Arts a shot ! If all goes well, I could just be joining Evolve Mix Martial Arts soon ! And I'm pretty excited about that :). And, I'll start writing a diary (Not that I'm trying to do anything sissy or gay , but I figured that if I recorded my life and take a look back at the things I've done, then I'd learn to appreciate my life better :D ).

If you have any suggestions / tips on living fruitfully, please tell me :)

2010-01-21T20:06:00.002+08:00

You wont be thinking of cars when
You're on ur death bed and dying
you'll only be thinking of what you'll be paying for
what you'll be praying for

Well, coincidentally, the lyrics of this song was playing on my MP3 as i was walking out of BBDC after my first ever driving practical lesson !! strange.

2010-01-20T22:55:00.005+08:00

After alot of experimenting, I've concluded that the reason why I cant grasp the 540 hook is because my foundations aren't good enough yet. I'll improve my 360 turning, then my back hook, and finally a 540 turning kick, then attempt to learn the 540 hook again.

one day I'll fight at the top level
well, at least that's the dream
haha

2010-01-18T22:37:00.004+08:00

Now that I have all the freedom I need, I've come to appreciate being a busy person. Being busy keeps my mind occupied. It keeps me from procrastinating. Keeps my mind off all the little unnecessary things that I don't need / don't want to think about. It gives me a sense of purpose and a footing in the surface of the harsh reality of life.

Another piece of the puzzle that doesnt fit
You throw your arms up, you're so dam sick of it
What are you working for
What are you searching for
love

2010-01-17T21:54:00.003+08:00

I think i totally fucked up for grading today. Whats the point of being good or practicing so hard, when you cant show it to the person who needs to see it most (the examiner) huh?

Anyway. I skipped my workout today to eat chili crab w my sister. Probably one of the worst ever. Waited 1 whole F***ing hour for the stupid crab to arrive. And it didn't even taste good. Plus, the store owner got some kind of attitude problem. And while eating, some cleaner was standing behind me cursing and swearing at how shitty her job is.

I'm having a bad day today.

This week was a tough week. I'll let the statistics explain why.
Calories burned : 2750 kcal
Training duration : 5 hours 8 minutes. (as recorded by my new watch :D)

Of course this is the first complete week of training I've had with my new polar watch :D, and i gotta say. its one of the most freaking annoying things (in a good way ironically) I've bought. Limme explain how it works. It uses my profile (weight, height, age, average physical activity, heart rate .. etc ) to set training targets for me to achieve every week.

So to put simply, my target training duration I've got to hit this week, is 6hours! Freaking 6 hours! I've been working my ass off all week at the gym and running, and I've only barely managed to hit 5 hours of training (not counting 3 sessions 3 hour taekwondo of course). I feel tremendously overworked having to go workout everyday without fail, like my body hasn't even had time to recover, and the next moment I'm out running for another hour.

But its a good thing. Keeps me busy and legs in my shorts out in the sun. :)

Counting the calories i burned from taekwondo included, i think i probably burned over 3000 kcal this week. what a tough week. :)

2010-01-16T19:43:00.000+08:00

I wonder what the future holds

2010-01-08T19:57:00.007+08:00

Everybody meets an obstacle at some point in their lives. Take running for instance. At some point when you're tired, some part deep in your mind just switches off. It tells you to stop, to stop the torture, to start walking. This is when we gotta beat the corrupted little dude in the corner of our minds. Lock him in chains and throw him out of your mind. This is where yer' old fashioned determination and motivation comes in handy :)

But, things are easier said than done in reality, haha

Whether I will be able to do it one day, I don't know.
What I know,
is that I'll keep trying.

2010-01-06T21:45:00.009+08:00

We're funny creatures. We spend everyday in the pursuit of an ultimate objective : to achieve perfection in whatever we do, however elusive it may be. Ironically in reality, perfection is the ultimate state of imperfection. Because when you are finally perfect, there's nothing left for you to improve on, to accomplish, to dream about. Whats the point of living then? 'perfect' is an illusion. Living things have spent millions of year's in evolution. Yet today, no living being is immortal. No being is the ultimate predator.

Yet, this is the cruel nature of reality. Because we cannot be perfect, we're all born into a rat race. We live our entire lifespans in a never ending cycle trying to improve ourselves both physically and mentally, never satisfied with what we have. Because when the day comes that we're totally contented with what we have, then on that day, the thrill of life disappears.

Yet, while we're imperfect, we complain and sulk about it. We get depressed and sad about it. So ultimately, we try to strike a balance. A perfect balance. And that idea itself is flawed since there's no such thing as a perfect.

We can only live life trying to be better than what we were yesterday. Physically, mentally, socially.

my watch finally came today. Cant wait to try it out tomorrow :)

some things seem so near.
yet they can be so far away from you.
Ironically, reality is sometimes elusive

Its the same in fighting.
No kick is perfect,
No punch is perfect,
No opponent is perfect,
No fighter is perfect.
Because it can always be better

2010-01-05T09:04:00.003+08:00

Status: Arrived Abroad

Your item arrived in SINGAPORE at 3:18 PM on January 4, 2010. Information, if available, is updated periodically throughout the day. Please check again later.

shitttttttt. This is one of the longest weeks of my life :(

By the way, Chester has a great voice -->

And, I need a part time job, so recommend me if you've got one :)

New Year's resolutions

2010-01-02T22:10:00.002+08:00

Hello blog! Made a good start to 2010 at today's tkd training. AH I haven't trained so hard in quite awhile, but my legs aren't really aching. they're just, tired, like I cant lift my legs up to fold them on my chair, hahah.

And as I type this post out, MY WATCH IS BEING FLOWNED OVER! Come to daddy man! heheh!

Anyway. This year is probably going to be the most eventful year of my life on planet Earth. This year I will know where I'll be going (not back to JJC i hope !! ), and above all. I'll experience the army (If i dont go back to JJC that is).

Who knows, I might just sign on (Provided I dont become an NDU reject that is.).

Alright, time to cut the long story short. Here are my Resolutions this year.

Finish my urbanathlon in Janurary (12km w obstacles)
Finish Nike 10k
Dont retain in JJC (retaking alvls would shorten my lifespan by 10 years lol)
Get into Physiotherapy :D
Learn the 540 back hook , and 540 roundhouse kick (turning kick)
Shave 2minutes off my 2.4km timing before N.S. ( from 12 minutes to 10 minutes )
Enter the NDU in April, and stay in NDU. (Many people get kicked out of NDU because they cant handle the tough training, so, my objective is simply to be fit enough to stay IN NDU. haha)
Get my freaking driving license

There you have it. Not running too many races this year cause I dont wanna stress myself out with race prep. during NS time huh. Okay thats it for now, astalavista baby. or whatever it's spelled. lol

2009-12-28T21:24:00.006+08:00

Well this is probably my last post for 2009! Lets see, where do i begin ? I dug through my archives and found the new year's resolutions that i posted here at the very start of this year !

Here they are

• Mug hard (its something i don't do often) contrary to what you think, I really tried very hard to mugggg this year.
• Score A-A-B-B for Alvls, or at least an A-B-B-B >.< - the Bs being mainly my chem and maths, if worst, bio.
• Be a finisher of 42km at Adidas Sundown Marathon 2009
• Be a finisher of 21km at Standard Chartered Marathon 2009 (well, i ran the 21km Army Half Marathon instead .. hahah)
• Run at least the first 20km continuously
• Get at least 4points for 2.4km.
• Get at least a gold for this year's fitness test.
• Visit Thailand at the end of the year for at least a week long of Muay Thai Training at FAIRTEX / RAWAII Muay Thai / or Por Pramuk gym.

I'm glad to say that only two things I've not been able to do, was to visit Thailand for my week long muay thai training, and the part on my A-A-B-B results. HAHAH, now, AABB is definitely not going to appear on my results slip, thats for sure.

What a year ! despite the alvl horrors, statistically, 2009 has been good for me isnt it?

This year i covered 78km of race mileage in total ! summing up all the mileage i picked up in my pre-race preparations, I think covered somewhere near a total of 120 - 150km in running mileage in 2009!!! Now, to a pro runner, 120-150km is probably peanuts. But ! its the 1st year, out my 18 years on this planet, that I've ran so much! Gotta say, pat me on the shoulder because im proud of myself ! heh !

But this year hasn't just been about running. This year has been about alot more. I feel much more confident and improved in tkd now, as compared to the start of the year. I've been working at it and trying to get better week after week, and I'm happy about that ! Practice makes perfect !

Whatever you do, running, swimming, biking, tkd, math, keep doing it over and over again, and you'll only get better and better, and nothing less ! And thats the most important thing I've learnt in 2009. LOL.

I hope when the alvl results are out next year, I'd get grades good enough to bring me where i want to go [physiotherapy , or osteopathy in an overseas university - most likely not going to happen, cus osteopathy is nearly equivalent to a medicine degree lol]. (OH I'D PRAY SO HARD !!! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE DONT LET ME RETAIN IN JJC!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH.) I've got a really pessimistic feeling towards results day. I just hope nothing fucking absurd happens !! arghhhhhhhhhhh. fingers crossed, i really don't wanna retain in JJC, but if i do, then i have only myself to blame .. lol . SHIT man!

So, this concludes the chapter on 2009 in my life. Time to write the next chapter, bye bye and merry Christmas people!

2009-12-16T21:36:00.005+08:00

Sick of pretending. But whats me and whats not? whats real and whats fake? I dont know

2009-12-15T23:49:00.003+08:00

I wish it were more comprehensible, this feeling.

2009-12-13T22:25:00.001+08:00

2009-12-07T20:09:00.007+08:00

Timing is very important when you want to compete at the very top level of a sport. You have to take into account your fitness, your age, the amount of time you spent training and all.

Heres the scenario.

AMBITION
If you have an ambition, you chase it right? You sacrifice things in life to pursue what you want. And thats what I want to do. I'll post it here, my ambition is to fight at the top level one day. Competitive taekwondo, or Muay thai.

TIMING
Most competitive fighters today have been training in a sport since young, as early as 7 years old, and age between 20 - 30 years old when finally fighting competitively in their prime. Thats sums up to around 13 or 14 years of training experience in a sport, before going competitive.

BEHIND TIME
I only started Taekwondo and Muay thai at 17 years old, and currently, i train only once a week in taekwondo. I'm clearly behind time if I want to fight competitively in future. When I'm not in training, i work on my physical conditioning, and when I'm in training, i give my 150% to make sure I'm constantly improving, hoping that in the near future, I'll make it at the competitive level in the sport. But the reality of the matter is, all the effort I put in to make myself technically sharper, and physically stronger, its not enough. Because, 1 training session of 3-4 hours a week is nothing compared to those who have started building foundations as early as 7 or 8 years old.

SUPPORT
I dont train everyday. I dont have a sandbag to practice on at home, and I dont have people who share a similar interest / ambition around me. Furthermore, my family members dont even give a shit about taekwondo. Honestly, its a very demoralizing environment, and its very hard for me to improve at a pace i want / need to.

THE RESCUE PLAN
Thats why, during my 5 month holiday before enlisting into NS, I want to invest my time in a Muay Thai training camp for around a week in Thailand (http://www.rawaimuaythai.com). There, I'm entitled to 6 hours of pure Muay Thai training a day, continuously everyday. And when I'm not training, I can practice on the sandbag, or do some physical conditioning at the gym. There, I can get trainers to help me correct my technical mistakes, learn new techniques, and improve my game. There, i can focus everything on a routine of eating - sleeping - training for a week. Basically, its the environment that i want to experience. and its the environment there that I wana pay to go to. Yes, Muay thai is an entirely different martial art from taekwondo. Even though Muay thai training is different, fighting is fighting. Fighting instincts is a universal language, so if i improve my muay thai, i improve my taekwondo.

And as usual, no one around me approves. Instead, of a caring and understanding yes, they tell me loads of shit. They list down a 101 fuckingly absurd reasons why i shouldn't go,

Dont go to these kind of places in thailand! theres black magic!
Those thai women are good for nothing
Im not free to go there w you (yeah right, you just booked a trip to thailand for shopping w ur fucking friend.)
You can train here in singapore.
Theres no promotion on flight tickets to go there (not like a normal ticket would kill you, especially when its a budget airlines flight to thailand)

And as you can see, I've clearly illustrated how clearly un-supportive my parent is when I want to pursue my interests. I always try to explain, and they always don't give a shit. Honestly, its not always easy to be motivated, when people around you dont give a shit about you and your interest.

When i train hard and come back tired or injured (from sparring), they don't ask how i got hit, why i got hit, what mistake I made, but they tell me, "you asked for it."

Back to basics :(

2009-12-05T18:22:00.008+08:00

I'm definitely not as physically sharp as before. My kicks aren't loaded with as much power as I'd expected them to have, and on top of that, they're alot slower than before. 4 months of endless stationary study - eat - sleep repetitions, and thats the result you get.

My physical condition is probably worst now than ever before. Its back to square one for me. Looks like I'm going to need to build up my conditioning from scratch now, sigh, its really demoralizing you know.

Right! I'm trying to share a value that drives me forward in running and taekwondo. Okay but this paragraph definitely seems out of the ordinary in this post. I've been sitting here thinking of a related introduction for this F***ing paragraph, but i cant. hahah. so here it is.

People should really learn to take things to the next level, always pushing for one extra kick, one extra pull up, one extra km, one extra lap, one extra set in the gym. If its 10 pull ups now, then its at least 11 pull ups the next time, and 12 .. 13 .. so on. Thats how I got to 29 consecutive pull ups, finished 42.195km, and improved my game in taekwondo, all within the training span of one year. (Although i cannot say the same for academics .. LOL ..) Of course all this is easier said than done. But all it takes is an ambition, a target or a goal to accomplish something of the top level, to change your perception of "torture" to a "no - pain - no gain" mentality. And that mentality is really the driving force and motivation that will eventually take it to the next level.

haha, whats wrong w me ?
stop dreaming ..
its not gonna happen

2009-11-25T20:58:00.004+08:00

I bought a pair of adidas taekwondo shoes! (strange isnt it, shoes for taekwondo. lol)! its called the Adi Luxe, and it cost me a bomb, dammit lol.

Disclaimer: If you cannot accept people who use vulgarities like drinking water, please dont read the hate paragraph below. Love it or lump it :)

Your a bloody motherfucker. In fact, your whole family lives on a core value of "mother fuckerness", because clearly thats what your parents seem to teach you. You think your the only one in the world that truely matters. You put no consideration for the people around you, because you only care about your fun, your entertainment, your individual well being. Its self-before-others. Your a motherfucking adult now, so start behaving like one. What ever shit "character building" or "leadership" camps your school has put you through so far, they clearly picked the wrong person, because i really wonder what they teach you in those mother fucking camps. Oh wait, i think they teach you how to be a good motherfucker, because your're apparently very good at being one. And because of all the descriptions I've listed here, your a pure motherfucker raised by mother fucking parents. Well, you, and your family.

Please people, if you think your a motherfucker, dont fuck around with other people and start a family and teach ur kids to be motherfuckers. Watching one family of motherfuckers is already painful enough for me. Bye bye.

2009-11-19T10:21:00.009+08:00

Bulk of the alvl papers are over now. I'm down to chemistry P1 , and biology P3 on monday, and finally my last Biology P1 on 3rd December, then I'm FREE! if i don't have to repeat 1 more year that is. I haven't done any taekwondo or muay thai for AGES now. I think I'm suffering from some kind of withdrawal symptoms lah -_-. this two things are like a drug to me. cant live without :(

anyway, I'm signing up for the Men's Health Urbanathlon later when my mom gets home.

Date : 31st January 2010
Distance : 12.5km
Fee : $128

This is the 4th race, and by far the most expensive race ( and also the shortest distance ironically !) I'm signing up for this year. Personally, $128 is a big fee for a 12.5km race lol, but the race pack makes up for it i guess.

HAHA, they even put Durex in there.
The event top looks quite cool, and i gotta admit, thats 70% the reason why I'm registering for this race ! To me, the most important part of the race, is finishing it, and THE SHIRT! After all, its cool to have a collection of event tops from every race to remember, remind and motivate us (or me) for what we (or I) do!

I think I'm only going to be working a part time job for December, maybe January if i can find one. The rest of the time from Feb - April, I'm going to be doing a serious training routine to improve my 2.4km timing and pull up count (maybe hit 30 or 35) so that I go in the Naval Diving Unit in peak physical condition :D. Dont wana start lagging behind everyone in BMT right? hahah.

2009-11-02T21:14:00.000+08:00

How do I breathe, yeah.
How do I breathe, yeaaaah.
It feels so different being here,
I was so next to being next to you,
Life for me is not the same,
There's no one to turn to.
I don't know why I let it go too far,
Starting over it's so hard.
Seems like everywhere I try to go,
I keep thinking of you.

I just had a wake up call,
Wishing that I never let you fall,
Baby you are not blame at all.
Remember when I pushed you away?
Baby if you knew I cared,
You'd have never went nowhere,
Girl I should've been right there.

How do I breathe,
Without you here by my side?
How will I see,
When your love brought me to the light?
Where do I go,
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me,
How do I breathe?
How do I breathe?

Girl I'm losin' my mind.
Yes I made a mistake.
I thought that you would be mine.
Guess the joke was on me.
I miss you so bad I can't sleep.
I wish I knew where you could be.
Another dude is replacing me,
but this can't be happening.

2009-10-28T20:39:00.006+08:00

I cant help thinking about the workout I'm going to obsess myself with after As. AH~

Cant wait to register for Adidas Sundown 2010.
And hopefully find someone in NDU to run NorthFace 100km next year too (50km duo)!
I wana buy a road bike and start biking!
I wana do a triathlon by 2011!
I cant wait to go in NDU( Naval Diving Unit)! (seriously, cant wait for the pain and suffering! Sounds retarded? but yeah, w8ever lol.)
I wana go to dive school and swim!
CANT WAIT TO GO FOR TAEKWONDO
Cant wait to go for taekwondo grading hopefully get black belt ASAP (think long term baby)!
Cant wait to save up and buy my polar FT80 (a watch with heart rate / run speed monitoring capabilities, so i can pace my runs or swim T_T!!!!!!!)

Sounds tiring, SOUNDS GOOD.

By the way, I officially declare K1 are corrupt tournament. Fuck the judges in K1. Okay most of you reading probably don't know what K1 is. K1 is every fighter's dream. Its a tournament for any martial artist, where you can use any martial art style (except that you cant use your elbows if your a Muay Thai fighter). To fight in this tournament is glory.

And Buakaw (my favourite fighter :D) has been dominating the stage since he joined around 4/5 years ago. He was unbeaten and crowned champion in the 70kg division for 2 years, and recently the K1 judges imposed all sorts of dumb rules to disadvantage buakaw and other muay thai fighters. ( No more than 3 knee strikes in a clinch and other dumb stuff ) Probably because hes just too godlike for the rest of the pussy shit fighters in the tournament.

THIS was clearly Buakaw's fight, I don't understand how the judges gave Andy Souwer the victory. Buakaw dominated the clinch (the hugging) and gave souwer some really deep knees, Buakaw clearly won after the full 3 rounds, no need for that fucking dumb extra round, besides buakaw clearly dominated the extra round in the clinch, and dodged most of Souwer's kicks and jabs. Buakaw was ROBBED of his victory.

2009-10-24T21:37:00.003+08:00

~Pictures~

yup. thats my work space right there. lecture notes, paper, books and arsenal on the computer :)

and, January

and you can see the white cataract in her eyes (because shes old), yes shes around 90% blind now, so she spends most of her time sleeping and lazing around because its difficult for her to navigate since she keeps bumping onto walls or chairs and tables. :(

oh and that white thing in the background is not my used tissue paper. its tape to make sure her pillow doesnt keep getting pushed out of her bed lol.

and not forgetting, my cat, February

2009-10-16T16:53:00.005+08:00

Hello friends! I got accepted into the Naval Diving Unit ! I'm set to enlist on April 28th next year, that's like 1 week after my 19th birthday! (hint) Anyway, check out the video. Quite cool don'cha think although the title "warriors of the deep" just sounds abit retarded, lol.

I don't have any problems nailing the broad jump, or pull ups (peanuts :x). I'm just abit worried for my 2.4km timing because I've always had a problem getting under 11 or 12 minutes. Its really frustrating and confusing for me, because I love running and have been running ever since god knows when, at least 6km for every run!! And some people don't even run 2 or 3 km on a regular basis, and have better timings than i have. I think its a genetical factor, like my anaerobic / aerobic threshold lvls are naturally just low i guess, i don't know, am i making any sense to you here? lol.'m gonna start some intensity training to improve my 2.4km timing next year. 5 Months holiday is a long way :) Hopefully can pull off a 11 or 10 minute timing by then.

I gotta go, studying hard for my alvls in 3 weeks time >.<

2009-10-15T15:26:00.007+08:00

Don't get me wrong, I didn't skip school 2 days in a row to mug at home.

I'm sick =( And I'm down and out for real. I woke up a few times last night and found myself gasping for breath. Ever heard of a moving old rusty machine that need's oiling? Yeah that's what i sounded like . Then this morning I developed a flu and a fever. Now I've got a bad headache. And i probably already swallowed a bowl of mucus backflow (not that i want to, but yeah).

To make thing's worst, my house is probably the last place I wanna be at right now. Its like a sea of noise in here. Its a counter strike battlefield in the dinning room (where my cousin's 2 computers are), tv in the room, horrible piano sounds in the living room, and kids talking as though they were football fields apart when they're actually 2 feet away from each other. And my mom and grandmother scolding me because the doctor didnt prescribe me with panadol yesterday, complaining that I wasted my money not asking for panadol when i went to the clinic yesterday (i didnt have a fever yesterday) .. and other bullshit. Hello? I'm sitting down on the couch gasping for air, there people are scolding me for fuck knows what, its not helping me.

And it really annoys me when people make uneducated hypothesis on the reason why I'm always sick. it goes like

"i told you not to go for -
- too much taekwondo, caused an internal injury to my chest.
- too much running, cause me to fall sick
- too much football (last time)
- too much gym
- too much swim
, see lah, don't wanna listen to me."
Its really getting on my nerves, how people blame whatever you love to do, whatever ur passion is. Uneducated comments. C'mon, its not like i fall sick intentionally, i cant help it, my genetics is a motherfucker, what do you want me to do about it?

Sometimes i wish i could throw everyone out, and lock myself away, like now.

The doctor says that my childhood athsma is probably coming back up, and hence the breathlessness. :( bad news

2009-10-04T22:27:00.001+08:00

You've got to be kidding me, I can't live on like this >.<

2009-09-29T22:58:00.000+08:00

I'm just not very good at math
Sigh

my morals

2009-09-15T00:14:00.011+08:00

Okay, the memory is fresh in my head. This is definitely not exaggerated in any way, but an actual and very accurate recount of what happened. okay so its 12.14am now, and the roads are just crawling with retarded drivers.

I came across one such retarded driver in a black mitsibushi who nearly hit me down while I was making my way across a traffic junction back from McDonald's just now (well technically it was 'yesterday') I could swear to you, his bumper came just centimeters away from me, and it even swept past my legs when it went past, and I had make a special effort to move out of his path. It was a green man.

I was darn pissed, i mean, who wouldn't be pissed? the dude just endangered my life goodness sake. I would say he could've easily broken my legs if hadn't noticed that fucking car coming up at me from behind. (how am i gonna do taekwondo without my legs huh? lol).

So instinctively, i pointed the holy finger of Zeus at him as he turned onto his road ahead (you guys probably know my impulsive behaviour, to me it was like, action - reaction, a natural reaction lol .. zzz, and i don't care whoever it is -a dangerous bad habit I'm still trying to kick- ). And that fucker -a 50+ year old chinese-dad-next-door- halted his car just infront of the traffic light (which is illegal i think), and came out to confront me. He must have been too aw struck by the beauty of my holy finger of Zeus LOL.

I was like, "Ah fuck, did he have to come out?"
"this is gon' be troublesome", But what else was i expecting after giving him a piece of my holy finger huh? LOL.

So he came out and pushed me hard (more like hit, on my shoulder/neck barely missing my face lol) and was like "you playing some game?" and "you trying to be funny with me boy?" I can't put in words how badly I had the urge to bash his ugly face. His 'hit first talk later' attitude, and after giving me an unsuspecting "first blood hit". I mean, I'm not the kind of person who'd just stand there and be someone's punching bag after being wronged. But it was like trying to say 1000 words and do 1000 things in one second, and all the words jumbled up in my cerebrum, failing to construct a proper sentence, failing to generate a proper reaction. lol.

All the hard hours of taekwondo and muay thai and boxing, all that sweat, presented itself like an oppotunity to test my blade against his sword. LOL. but i didnt of course. Partly because I was alone (I mean, just because I learn martial arts doesn't necessarily mean that i could easily beat the shit out of any regular guy on the streets, because anything can happen in a moment).

Well, I could've hit back because he initiated physical contact first, i could stand by it as my form of self defense, and it certainly felt like a green flag. At this point I'm already considering returning a 'low brow' to the guy. But no, i just reminded myself to keep my cool, and behave maturely. So i just gave him a polite "sir you nearly hit me on a fucking green man there". And the guy, still obviously raged after being enlightened by my unsuspecting holy finger, gave a faggot "i let you walk across the traffic light, just be quiet and walk boy." Judging from his body language, he was probably hoping I'd hit back to end the stalemate and just brawl our way through a fight. He wants it (seriously, from his body language all hyped and ready to go).

I cannot describe the kind of rage that burned my insides after hearing a response like that from a driver like that. But i just gave him a "Okay, you win sir, bye" and parted ways after a really lousy and awkward staredown.

Firstly, the guy certainly had one son-of-a-bitch immature behaviour. I know what i did was the right thing to do (not the part about my holy middle finger of Zeus, but as in, by not retalliating back). Anyway, when i reflect about why i didnt hit him back, i realize its like, just because you've been wronged at, doesnt give you the right to commit another wrong doing in return. Gotta learn to put our ego aside sometimes right?

But i do feel like shit as i sit here typing this post out, because I just took a hit for something insanely wrong reason, and didnt return a truely deserving one for an insanely correct reason. Then again, maybe i shouldn't have enlightened the fag with my holy finger of god. But he nearly broke my legs there, so, jesus, he deserved it :)

I'm just really glad that I held firmly onto my morals today (well, techically yesterday). I fight as a sport because I have passion for it's beauty. There is no beauty in a street fight. No pride, no glory. On the streets I've got nothing to prove, no reason, no justification, and i dont need to fight because its wrong. If i ever let myself into a street fight, then there'd be no difference between me and a tug.

Next time
I'll skip the statue of liberty pose
and adopt the stanford raffles pose.

2009-09-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

Okay, i really need to share this.

FREAKING beautiful capoeira double back spinning kick KO. Its different from taekwondo's one, but hey its just beautiful. Coming from such a big guy. Hands down man. And i thought capoeira was just useless bullshit. haha, i need to learn this kind of back spin kick.

2009-09-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

I got a wonderful surprise when i stepped on the weighing scale this morning. I've lost 4 kilos in a period of 5 days !! :D:D:D:D And the thing is, I eat McDonald's and Burger King's simultaneously nearly EVERYDAY (seriously, because I study there everyday). Looks like my morning 6km / 30 laps swim thing is working well for me. Oh, and I can NEARLY do a proper split :D, just that few more stubborn centimeters more to go. The thing is, I can sit flat on the floor, but my legs aren't exactly 180 degrees apart.

On the flipsyde, it could be the exam stress that caused me to lose weight :x. Anyway, losing weight is always a good thing for me :x - except last year when I lost 4kilos in 4hours and was hospitalized with diarrhea (that was a badass experience).

Anyway, if you don't like vulgarities, then dont read the last paragraph. I'm just gonna let off some steam. like it or lump it i guess :\

Screw everything else. I'm surrounded by a loads of fuckers everyday. Fuckers that push my misery way beyond it's rightful threshold, without even knowing it. I cannot see a fucking reason why I should summit myself to you in this hierarchy, because you don't deserve my respect, none of it you fuck. You never cared, and will never care, so i don't think i really need to give you that tiny fucking thing called respect, because I'd rather save it for someone more deserving. Wake up your fucking idea, you (you people) need to stop being selfish pieces of fucks and start being more considerate. Open your bloody eyes and take a look at the mess that you're (or, you people) oblivious to. Your (you people's) fucking life itself is pathetic and I cannot fucking stand it.

I hope my next post will be more delightful. Bye bye.

2009-09-10T20:45:00.001+08:00

Hello people. I'm working on a 'self - rescue plan' lol. Prelims was a disaster and i might actually NOT get away with slacking this time. So far i absolutely flopped 2 subjects .. and counting .. T.T I'm working on finishing one topic per week for each subject all the way for the remaining 61 days until my alvls. So, its no movies, no going out, no pool or any other shit like that, for the next 61 days :(

Heres a peek at my daily schedule for the holidays so far.

Wake up and counter strike awhile
Breakfast
6km run / 1.5km swim (30laps)(alternate days each)
Lunch
Study
home work out -15mins- [crunches, push ups, leg raises, planks and finally, my futile attempts to do splits :(][ or just shadow boxing with weights]
Dinner
Study
Sleep

I have so many things on my wishlist which I'll probably buy with my pay after alvls, when i get myself a part time job, or with my NS pay
- Sport bike
- polar heart rate watch
- New clothes
- CAPS, lots of caps (to cover the bald head when/if i enlist next year)
- my own laptop (not so urgent)
- Pay for Adidas sundown 2010 :x
.
.
.
and the list goes on.

2009-08-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

"Quit? You know, when I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung, and testicula cancer all at the same time, but with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France tive times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit.

Lance Armstrong

Pain is temporary, quitting is forever

2009-08-14T12:44:00.010+08:00

Something's freaking wrong with the blogger home page. I wonder if its just me -_-.

Last year i heard of someone who scored a -U- grade for math prelims, and i thought "thats fucked up". I find myself in the same situation now. I may be fucked up already, I dont know :(. I'll just try my best.

Tomorrow's carbo-loading day in preparation for Sunday morning's 21km, my 3rd and last race of the year (Decided to drop the idea of standard chartered 42km due to alvls:| ). Which means, tomorrow I get to indulge and eat all the rice and bread I want, and not feel guilty about it :). Sunday's race is terrifying, gotta say. I've only been training like, once a week (6km) in preparation for this race (dont blame me, I've got prelims on monday people), so my target is simply to finish the race in 1 piece without any cramps, blisters or abrations, so i can sit for my prelims the next day alive :|

Heres an ancient video i found of myself, jackassifying :D. Btw, the weird sound was me doing it with my whistling (sucking air in, not blowing out) i dont know what u call that sound. lol.

I did that action out of the blue for no reason, and walked off. totally random LOL.

2009-07-29T20:07:00.003+08:00

theres some weird problem with blogger. so i'll just post it here.

This is where it all begins,
So tell me it'll never end.
I can't fool myself,
It's you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
If anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

Show me that good things come to those who wait

2009-07-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

That day, you took a huge part of me away

2009-07-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

Its 9.06pm, and i just got home from my selection round for the Naval Diving Unit. They make you do all sorts of weird rocket science stuff, from sitting in pressure chambers, to blowing into some weird tube, oh, and not forgetting the 185 question long questionnaire to fill up. And the whole thing took me a whole bloody day to do (7.30am to 7.30pm seriously). Anyway, ironically after today, I've come to realize that I seriously want to be a part of this unit, lol.

2009-07-25T23:29:00.001+08:00

I'm so fed up because I lost my ****ing wallet. My IC, POSB card, EZ-link card, all gone. I hope whichever shitbag that finds my wallet would be gracious enough to mail my IC back to me.

Anyway, i get to skip school on Monday, because I've got my .. VOCATIONAL ASSESMENT (selection) for the diving unit! I do hope i don't fuck it up. If I pass this, I'm getting a personal swimming instructor to teach me fucking swimming after my alvls (cus i totally don't know how to swim :D), wish me luck :D

Ever had one of those days, where you know you need to be studying, but your hand just wont pick the pen up, and your butt just wont sit at your chair? Well, today's one of those days. If i keep launching into the future with days like today .. GG ALVLS :)

OKAY, CHANGE STARTS TOMORROW. BREAKFAST > MORNING RUN > STUDY > LUNCH > STUDY > DINNER > SLEEP. All set and ready to go.

2009-07-20T21:24:00.001+08:00

Do me a favour and go fuck someone else's life.

2009-07-12T12:13:00.002+08:00

you make me feel like shit when its not even my fault
And you probably don't even know that because you're so blinded by fuck knows what.

2009-07-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

I've recovered from my shock from yesterday's letter, and its all so laughable. NDU may be a good thing afterall. Anyway, its not in my nature to pussy out on a good challenge (i think), I'll just treat this one like another challenge, like my 42km sundown.

tough training
is good training

Deep water shit

2009-07-10T21:53:00.004+08:00

Lime introduce you to the Naval Diving Unit (NDU), which is probably the toughest unit in NS. In fact, their training standards match, if not exceeds, that of the Commandos. Being in NCC has taught me that, NDU is crazy (seriously) and I've heard so many nasty badass rumours about their crazy trainings. I probably fucked up my NS life even before enlisting, because of a suspicious letter that looks like this:

FURTHER REPORTING ORDER
1) You are hereby required under the Enlistment Act (Chapter 93) to report for a Vocational Assessment on - xxx date - to SEMBAWANG NAVAL BASE
.
.
.
Bring along your swimming trunks / googles / dark towel

This is the kind of letter people get for a mono-intake enlistment (for those commandos & NDU), and shit, I probably got in NDU, though I still keep my fingers crossed :(.
Besides theres still the interview, which i could potentially fail :D, because .. I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW TO SWIM =D

2009-07-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

WARNING, NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

2009-07-04T20:55:00.002+08:00

I've got so many things in my mind that I wanna let out

Insomnia

2009-07-02T22:15:00.002+08:00

Yesss, common tests are over. And the outlook? Gloomy. I'll probably fail chemistry badly and that's for sure. Furthermore, I'm having doubts and insecurities with the rest of my subject. THAT GP PAPER last month was probably the hardest I've taken in my life, and the maths and biology just seem to hang in the balance of a pass. The hall was like a massive freezer today. Good day to be dressed in owens and PE shorts, sitting just underneath the stupid air conditioner for 3 hours straight. I probably shivered more counts than alphabets in my biology essay question just now.

I think I'm suffering from insomnia. I've been finding it so hard to fall asleep these few days. I could twist around on my bed from midnight, and then check the time the next moment, its 1.30am and i still haven't fallen asleep. Whats worse, i actually really feel sleepy. And it happened for the second day straight now. As I'm typing this post now, my eyes feel like a soaked tea bag hanging from my eye sockets. My eyelids probably weigh 1kg each, and i feel lethargic. Strange as it may sound, i cant still sleep.

Maybe something's bothering me, something deep down inside of me, I dont know really.

Maybe i dont know what i really want.

Productivity

2009-06-28T22:59:00.004+08:00

I made a pact before a holidays that I'd try my best to make it as productive as I can, and i truely have, as far as my self discipline takes me. Though sometimes i really don't feel like doing work, don't feel like doing anything useful, anything 'academical'. Times like these, i run, swim, gym, sweat, chill, sleep to make my time as productive as I can. At least I'm improving myself one way or another, if it isn't in my academics, then let it be my physical condition =).

Everyday, i think about my alvls, my future, my job, my life. And everyday, every hour, every minute, every second I launch into the past, the pressure mounts on my shoulders. It feels like I've mounted on the weight of the rest of my life, on my shoulders, and sometimes its really tough to stand strong and push ahead. Its make or break.

I've had so many things this holiday, from important things, to emotional happenings and feats of personal achievements. From my first 42.195km, to handling over my taekwondo leadership, Michael Jackson's death and academics. Its been a productive month for me. But as much as I've tried thus far to prepare myself for the academic Everest ahead of me, it still depresses me when i think about how much more work lies ahead of me, how much more I've got to learn, and digest, and absorb, and apply. I'm not even halfway through my revision people.

Its good to be a good player
But its also important to be a good man first
- Jose Mourinho

Just what's this notion of mine
Is it genuine ?
'Cause sometimes it plays tricks on my mind

ACADEMICS

2009-06-26T22:12:00.003+08:00

I took the chance to go swimming this morning. And i even had a good lunch, before i realised that today's Friday. Dratz, all along i thought that today was thursday.

So I'm left with 2 days before my June holidays end. It feels like I've revised so much work. I've covered so many topics. From maths, to chemistry, to biology, it feels like I've raised my understanding, and standard of these topics to a whole new level. Ironically, it also feels depressing, because I've got so many more topics to cover. I've done alot, but the thing is, there's alot MORE to do. I've never done so many topics on one single time frame, and yet still feel like the marathon is just beginning. I'm paying the price for my lack of consistent mugging for last year i guess. But hey, its not too late to start.

I've come to know of people(s) in better colleges mugging till 3am without fail everyday. And the sad reality is, in this field of academics I'm competing in, these are the monsters I'm up against. Its either them, or me. this just strengthens my resolve to do well. i hope it lasts.

Now, back to reality. Common tests start next week, and my unrealistic target is 70 points. Well, dream big or don't dream at all people, hahah. I've been doing so much content work this holidays, and I haven't practiced doing questions (apart from maths). Because of this, I know I may not do very well for this series of tests, but hey mans and womans, the strategy is long term. I'll have all the time in the world to practice different questions when school reopens. How am i supposed to practice doing different questions properly if i dont have my fundamentals set straight? If i do question practices now, then where am i gona find the time to cover my content when school reopens?
The strategy is long term, the target is alvls, the goal is A.

2009-06-24T20:53:00.004+08:00

I watched transformers today. 10/10, go watch it bitches, its a nice show.

-spoilers-

Its such a shame Optimus Prime had to die at the start, and only get revived at the end.
Its funny how the little decepticon robot was all over Meagan Fox's leg, 'humping' her leg. Considering her astronomical scale of hotness, i actually find what he did, justifiable. BWAHAHAH

I watched "COMING SOON" at Isa's house today. Go watch it too bitches, scares the shit out of your rectum.

Today was a fun day, and i didn't study anything at all. But hey, don't blame me, its my holiday period alright? If I'm gonna mug everyday of the holidays, what the fuck is the holiday for huh? And besides, people with no life (i wont name your fucking ugly name(s) here), don't have a right to even exist. Earth's resources are limited, and people are starving elsewhere. Why do u deserve to be fed? Lifeless freak shows. Okay enough intense stuff !! I'll study tomorrow, i swear.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

friends

2009-06-21T19:51:00.008+08:00

Just some funny random crap.

its about 1 month since my 42km, and the stats are still coming fresh from the sundown website. its cool how they can provide you with information. According to the stats, i finished in 91st place in my category (male 42km,under 20 years old), finishing at the 24th percentile. That's top 25 percent baby! yayness.

Alright, now gotta focus on that SAFRA 21km half marathon in August. Mentally as much as anything, I'm not as worried for this, cause i know I've ran double the distance before. haha, but thats no excuse for complacency, its time to get running.

Anyway, I've been doing some revision work lately, and I've been doing it at a REAL comfortable pace (which means its slow as hell :x). Lets see, I've covered at least half of the topics for the upcoming bio common test, I've got 1 more week to just pia my chemistry for common tests, and maths, I'm only left with revision for complex no.s and vectors!

So for my next 1 week, i've got

Maths
- Complex Numbers
- Vectors (which i'll probably skip)

Biology
- Cell replication
- Bio diversity / evolution

Chemistry
- Chemistry Equlibrium
- Alcohols
- Carboxylic acids
- Halogens

Oh, and geography <-- FUCK THIS! =D

We're worlds apart
you're up there
I'm down here
sigh

2009-06-17T21:42:00.002+08:00

hello singaporeans. when i save enough, I'm going to Poland / New Zealand / Alaska . its way too warm here. stay here and bake if you wish.