Friday, July 2, 2010

Pessimism

1st July 2010

After 10 weeks of crappy living, I'm now officially Private Gordon :) !

Next, I'll be undergoing Combat Diver training, which will put me through a physically and mentally challenging 4 month ordeal, which includes the boss, the grand finale, the famous "Hell Week" at the very end of the 4 months.


The hardest part of all this, is to stay motivated to complete the 4 months. Yes I want to be a diver. Like any other trainee, i think its cool .. its awesome .. its an interesting vocation, its glorious. But honestly, everyday is just a whole day of shit that pisses you off.

Let me give you an example. When someone fucks up, the whole platoon is made to roll in mud for hours, or someone fucks up, the whole platoon is made to run and touch a fence 200m away and come back in 1 minute (for hours at one go). - and yes, theres alot more fucked up and dumb punishments they got up their sleeves. It's just really frustrating at times.

At night, after a full day of shit, i lie down on my bed and close my eyes to have a moment with myself, and i ask myself if I'm looking forward to tomorrow, the honest answer is : no

I'm not looking forward to another day. Do you know what it feels like to sleep every night, with knowing that tomorrow's gonna be shittier? I mean, you've gotta be mentally retarded , if after getting fucked up by your instructors for a whole day, you're still look forward to having another day of training.

But yes, my fitness has improved a great deal since I joined the army. My 2.4km timed run (or 1.5miles) especially.

Before enlisting : 11m 20s
Week 2 : 9.46
week 7 9.53 (probably because i was not rested enough from the previous day)
week 9 : 9.36 (personal best !!)

Well, the requirement to meet is 9minutes and 14s. So you could say I'm slowly, but surely getting there. I told you, everyday in here is a day you push your limits one step higher. And as much as i enjoy being fit and all, I think I'm not handling the training program too well. Since I've started, I've aggravated my lower back injury (had it before enlisting), and now it seems like I've picked up an ankle strain, which i fucking don't know how it got there - i woke up one morning and it was like that ever since - Its a paradox, i feel myself becoming fitter, yet perhaps my body is breaking down at the same time. - haha


Anyway, I'll try not to be so pessimistic with this depressing post. I'm taking baby steps. One day at a time, one week at a time, clearing one obstacle at a time. And hopefully after 18 weeks, my mother will come up to me, and pin that badge on my chest on my graduation.

So its one step at a time.
Signing off, Private Gordon.

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