Do me a favour and go fuck someone else's life.

you make me feel like shit when its not even my fault
And you probably don't even know that because you're so blinded by fuck knows what.

I've recovered from my shock from yesterday's letter, and its all so laughable. NDU may be a good thing afterall. Anyway, its not in my nature to pussy out on a good challenge (i think), I'll just treat this one like another challenge, like my 42km sundown.

tough training
is good training

Deep water shit

Lime introduce you to the Naval Diving Unit (NDU), which is probably the toughest unit in NS. In fact, their training standards match, if not exceeds, that of the Commandos. Being in NCC has taught me that, NDU is crazy (seriously) and I've heard so many nasty badass rumours about their crazy trainings. I probably fucked up my NS life even before enlisting, because of a suspicious letter that looks like this:

FURTHER REPORTING ORDER
1) You are hereby required under the Enlistment Act (Chapter 93) to report for a Vocational Assessment on - xxx date - to SEMBAWANG NAVAL BASE
.
.
.
Bring along your swimming trunks / googles / dark towel

This is the kind of letter people get for a mono-intake enlistment (for those commandos & NDU), and shit, I probably got in NDU, though I still keep my fingers crossed :(.
Besides theres still the interview, which i could potentially fail :D, because .. I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW TO SWIM =D

WARNING, NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

I've got so many things in my mind that I wanna let out

Insomnia

Yesss, common tests are over. And the outlook? Gloomy. I'll probably fail chemistry badly and that's for sure. Furthermore, I'm having doubts and insecurities with the rest of my subject. THAT GP PAPER last month was probably the hardest I've taken in my life, and the maths and biology just seem to hang in the balance of a pass. The hall was like a massive freezer today. Good day to be dressed in owens and PE shorts, sitting just underneath the stupid air conditioner for 3 hours straight. I probably shivered more counts than alphabets in my biology essay question just now.

I think I'm suffering from insomnia. I've been finding it so hard to fall asleep these few days. I could twist around on my bed from midnight, and then check the time the next moment, its 1.30am and i still haven't fallen asleep. Whats worse, i actually really feel sleepy. And it happened for the second day straight now. As I'm typing this post now, my eyes feel like a soaked tea bag hanging from my eye sockets. My eyelids probably weigh 1kg each, and i feel lethargic. Strange as it may sound, i cant still sleep.

Maybe something's bothering me, something deep down inside of me, I dont know really.

Maybe i dont know what i really want.