First post! New post!

Went to mug at taman jurong's macdonalds today with some NZ peeps. it felt good and had an overall good blend of seriousness and fun. Played pool with nerissa, huishan and mildred. haha. owned =D

anyway, did some reflections today. This year, i've felt that i had learnt something no lesson can teach. well, i guess from a normal person's perspective, my life kinda sucks. i'll blog about it.

Kelvin Soh, this is to you. Though i doubt you'll ever read this post anyway.
One milestone in my life was when you decided to walk out that door that day, and leave us behind, you put your own happyness as piority over ours. Well, i wont say you didnt try to make my life more complete after leaving us behind, but if little msn chats and gifts were good enough to fill that gap you created when you walked out that door, then i guess life's fucked. Since that day, my life's been, a twist of fate huh. thanks for the incomplete life i have now Mr Soh, though its not like you'll ever read this, nor understand just how it feels and hurts.

Since then, my life's changed from that innocence, to what it really is now behind my happy facade, deep and grey. the family's barely surviving. lets see, i dont know how old my sis is, her birthday, her favourite colour, and many more. Because since that day, the family's just been so fucking quiet, sis and mom could come home and not say a word to me, leave 6am the next morning, only to return at midnight. If i could compile a list of things i dont know about my sis, it'll probably be enough to fill pages in a book. Mum and sis are always argueing. It sucks having to sit infront of my computer listening to those incredibly childish yet serious arguements nearly other night. While u were with us, this never happened. At least, not as often.

"Have you eaten?"
"HAIYA HAVENT LAH!"

In fact, they were argueing even on the day my sis took that plane to norway. and now, even argueing on occasional webcam chats. What the hell is this?

Since you've been gone, mom's been having a hard time coping too. She's dedicated her life to taking care of me and sis. I salute her for the determination she has. Having to put up with that shitty job to earn that money to put bread on the table us. I've seen her come home all pissed, tired, fatigued, frustrated, stressed, yet never once heard her mention giving up the job. Why? because its best for the family, i think, i hope. Because shes trying her best to make my life like the rest of the growing kids, nice clothes, computer, handphone bills, soccer. Mom, thanks for putting up with the shit i and my sis put on you.

this year would be my 10th year without you. With or without you, im growing up [at least biologically]. And reflecting on things, i guess, my life's been incomplete for the past 10 years. During the first few years after you left, i didnt feel anything missing. But now, the effects are starting to get to me. Growing up without you has been tough, lookin at other dads send their kids to school, goin for late night dinners, its been tough on me. Life's definitely been tough, but im tougher, sometimes.

Things were different with you back then. Mum showed me little magic tricks with cards, made us bake little ginger bread men together in the kitchen. and you'd bring us to johor for that delicious deer meat. I miss that, i really do. Mr Soh, though i've only had you for 7 years, i miss you.

Dedicated to you, ex Dad.