Alright, I've been typing, and deleting, and typing, and deleting because i cant find a suitable opening for this post. I wanted to talk about training and training and running and swimming and camp life. But yeah, its all been posted before.


I mean, what can i say ? Everyday in camp is just about running and swimming and push ups and sit ups and doing chin ups. In fact, I think im addicted to this lifestyle that's been painfully programmed into my neuro-systems. Saturdays and Sundays are supposed to be my rest days. But here I am, all my legs in my shorts, running in the sun and hitting the gym. I met some long lost buddies in the gym just now, and they went :" in camp train so much, now weekend still wanna train??? mad ah!" (hazwin and hazwan). And thats what got me thinking.


Okay, so I'm running around 9 minutes and 53 seconds for my 2.4km (or 1.5mile) timed run, which i think isnt too bad for a couch potato like me. My whole 19 years on this planet, I've never ran below 11 minutes and 20seconds, but here i am, just 2 months in the military and I'm already running below 10minutes. Anyway, the standard for 2.4km runs here is quite high. Most of my batch boys tell me they cant run for nuts. They say "awww i dont have the running genes." and "ohhh im not a runner. I totally suck". And well, they're good liars.


They run anywhere from 8minutes and 19 seconds, to 9minutes and 20 seconds on average. And hell that's fast. Thats sprinting the whole distance !! See? dont blame me for doing extra trainings on my days off . lol .


Everyday i sleep feeling tired and sore. Well im not complaining, instead, its a good sign really. Feeling tired and sore assures me that when i wake up the next morning, when the pain goes away, I'm a stronger person than i was the previous day. They say : pain is weakness leaving the body, and that statement definitely has some truth to it :) !

i quote the navy seals : The only easy day was yesterday. Because everyday here is a day of physical torture. Be it during physical training , or during our daily runs, or our pool swim, it always pushes your physical and mental limits one level further.

And while I'm getting physically and mentally stronger here every week, i lose a part of me that belongs to the outside world. Yes I've made brothers out of my friends in camp. Brothers that've been through the thick and thin by my side. But I can't help but feel that I'm drifting proportionally further from the things i've used to love.


I guess this is a transition, a new beginning. I hate beginnings. Because as i begin to write the next chapter in my life, I inevitably put an end to the previous chapter. I hate to say it. But i guess i'm drifting away from the old life i used to have. Taekwondo, friends, school, and you. Its sad, but thats the hard cold reality. It ain't always sunshine and rainbows everday.


I wish i could've made it clear earlier, the way i felt about you. But here i am moving on with my life, and there you are, moving on with yours perfectly the way it was. I came into your life for one short moment, and all that's left are my footprints, thats the reality of the situation. i guess you'll carry on with your life, oblivious to the feelings i kept inside me.

Think of me when you're out,
when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well it's a shame I'm a dream
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I wish I was a better conversationist ..

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.

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ok i know you may be thinking im gay for putting bieber's music up

i think he's gay too

but this song is alright. xD

Lets say you're in the middle of mandai jungle.

You're

• waking up at 4am because a thunderflash exploded (something like a flashbang).
• rolling and crawling around in the mud (which feels the same as nutella chocolate).
• pissed off because your boots are soaked ankle high, FROM THE INSIDE.
• not showering
• not brushing your teeth
• not taking a shit (yes, i didnt shit for 4 days)
• not sleeping , because 1) your tent is wet and soaked with mud, 2) you're afraid that your stuff will go missing, because 'ninjas' come and go.
• not eating well
• doing push ups on a ground infested with fucking tiny rocks

mmm, lets imagine that, does that sound good to you? Sometimes i ask myself, why the fuck am i putting myself through the pain, through this shit. For who? for what? why ? Well, i dont fucking know.

motivation

Nobody said being a diver was going to be a walk in the park, and I expected tough times. Every week just pushes you one step further. Every week fucks you up a little more than the last. The hardest part isn't about the physical stress or mental fucking, thats all part and parcel of the package and I can understand that. The hardest part of this all is when you lie down on your bed at night and think about all the fucked up things that's happened, and still say "I still want this." To be honest, there were a couple of moments this week when i just felt like 'what the fuck man, screw this shit, this is fucked up, why the fuck am i doing this shit for? ... etc etc etc .'

But no, I'm not giving up. Some things in life, you've only got one shot at it, are you going to sieze the opportunity? or just let it slip right through your fingers.The choice is yours to make. I choose not to live a life of regrets. The only way I'm going to stop trying is if i drop dead.

.that was my biggest regret.

fucking hell

Am I getting lost in my dreams?
Are you unreachable to me?
Cause these butterflies just won't go away

But I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart

Who i really am.

Me.

Tough times let you know who you really are. It shows you first hand where your mental and physical limits are, how weak or how strong you are. It shows you what your true character is like. It tells you where your strengths lie, what your weaknesses are. It measures the amount of mental steel in your mind, and tests your motivation and determination to the very core of your soul.

Unless you've been through hell and back, there are some lessons you just can't learn.

Aside from all the jokes and crap that I spill off from my mouth, I, am a very quiet person actually. If you've seen me 100% focused on my training , in running, or tkd, you'd notice that. When I'm stressed, in training or whatever leadership position, I'm quiet because I'm in a world of my own. I shut off everything irrelevant, and try to stay 150 % focused on the situation at hand before I respawn myself in reality. There, a glimpse of the true me.

Hello civilisation, I'm back. I'm sitting here looking at the screen, and I cant put to words how the last 2 weeks was for me.

I've got a whole lot of new buddies :D, awesome cabin mates, and awesome cabin neighbours. Haha, they're the bunch of dudes which crack sick jokes that make me laugh my ass off.

Then theres the down side. The physical training here is OUT OF THIS WORLD, seriously. I did things I've never done before, which include

• Running until im so tired that I run like a bloody slut
• Make orgasmic sounds during PT
• Let off screams during PT that don't even sound like a human scream

A few times we've been hammered really hard, but at night when I get some time to close my eyes and think, it makes me feel like this is all going to be worth it. Tough times build tough men. Tough men stand out in tough times. (:, the next few months will test the core of my very soul .. and I will try my best every time !